Printable Super Bowl Squares - 100 Square Grid Office Pool

NEW INFO 5 Results from share redemption are posted. Less than .2% redeemed. Very bullish as investors are showing extreme confidence in the future of PLBY.
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/playboy-mountain-crest-acquisition-corp-120000721.html
NEW INFO 4 Definitive Agreement to purchase 100% of Lovers brand stores announced 2/1.
https://www.streetinsider.com/Corporate+News/Playboy+%28MCAC%29+Confirms+Deal+to+Acquire+Lovers/17892359.html
NEW INFO 3 I bought more on the dip today. 5081 total. Price rose AH to $12.38 (2.15%)
NEW INFO 2 Here is the full webinar.
https://icrinc.zoom.us/rec/play/9GWKdmOYumjWfZuufW3QXpe_FW_g--qeNbg6PnTjTMbnNTgLmCbWjeRFpQga1iPc-elpGap8dnDv8Zww.yD7DjUwuPmapeEdP?continueMode=true&tk=lEYc4F_FkKlgsmCIs6w0gtGHT2kbgVGbUju3cIRBSjk.DQIAAAAV8NK49xZWdldRM2xNSFNQcTBmcE00UzM3bXh3AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA&uuid=WN_GKWqbHkeSyuWetJmLFkj4g&_x_zm_rtaid=kR45-uuqRE-L65AxLjpbQw.1611967079119.2c054e3d3f8d8e63339273d9175939ed&_x_zm_rhtaid=866
NEW INFO 1 Live merger webinar with PLBY and MCAC on Friday January 29, 2021 at 12:00 NOON EST link below
https://mcacquisition.com/investor-relations/press-release-details/2021/Playboy-Enterprises-Inc.-and-Mountain-Crest-Acquisition-Corp-Participate-in-SPACInsider-ICR-Webinar-on-January-29th-at-12pm-ET/default.aspx
Playboy going public: Porn, Gambling, and Cannabis
!!!WARNING READING AHEAD!!! TL;DR at the end. It will take some time to sort through all the links and read/watch everything, but you should.
In the next couple weeks, Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp is taking Playboy public. The existing ticker MCAC will become PLBY. Special purpose acquisition companies have taken private companies public in recent months with great success. I believe this will be no exception. Notably, Playboy is profitable and has skyrocketing revenue going into a transformational growth phase.
Porn - First and foremost, let's talk about porn. I know what you guys are thinking. “Porno mags are dead. Why would I want to invest in something like that? I can get porn for free online.” Guess what? You are absolutely right. And that’s exactly why Playboy doesn’t do that anymore. That’s right, they eliminated their print division. And yet they somehow STILL make money from porn that people (see: boomers) pay for on their website through PlayboyTV, Playboy Plus, and iPlayboy. Here’s the thing: Playboy has international, multi-generational name recognition from porn. They have content available in 180 countries. It will be the only publicly traded adult entertainment (porn) company. But that is not where this company is going. It will help support them along the way. You can see every Playboy magazine through iPlayboy if you’re interested. NSFW links below:
https://www.playboy.com/
https://www.playboytv.com/
https://www.playboyplus.com/
https://www.iplayboy.com/
Gambling - Some of you might recognize the Playboy brand from gambling trips to places like Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Cancun, London or Macau. They’ve been in the gambling biz for decades through their casinos, clubs, and licensed gaming products. They see the writing on the wall. COVID is accelerating the transition to digital, application based GAMBLING. That’s right. What we are doing on Robinhood with risky options is gambling, and the only reason regulators might give a shit anymore is because we are making too much money. There may be some restrictions put in place, but gambling from your phone on your couch is not going anywhere. More and more states are allowing things like Draftkings, poker, state ‘lottery” apps, hell - even political betting. Michigan and Virginia just ok’d gambling apps. They won’t be the last. This is all from your couch and any 18 year old with a cracked iphone can access it. Wouldn’t it be cool if Playboy was going to do something like that? They’re already working on it. As per CEO Ben Kohn who we will get to later, “...the company’s casino-style digital gaming products with Scientific Games and Microgaming continue to see significant global growth.” Honestly, I stopped researching Scientific Games' sports betting segment when I saw the word ‘omni-channel’. That told me all I needed to know about it’s success.
“Our SG Sports™ platform is an enhanced, omni-channel solution for online, self-service and retail fixed odds sports betting – from soccer to tennis, basketball, football, baseball, hockey, motor sports, racing and more.”
https://www.scientificgames.com/
https://www.microgaming.co.uk/
“This latter segment has become increasingly enticing for Playboy, and it said last week that it is considering new tie-ups that could include gaming operators like PointsBet and 888Holdings.”
https://calvinayre.com/2020/10/05/business/playboys-gaming-ops-could-get-a-boost-from-spac-purchase/
As per their SEC filing:
“Significant consumer engagement and spend with Playboy-branded gaming properties around the world, including with leading partners such as Microgaming, Scientific Games, and Caesar’s Entertainment, steers our investment in digital gaming, sports betting and other digital offerings to further support our commercial strategy to expand consumer spend with minimal marginal cost, and gain consumer data to inform go-to-market plans across categories.”
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tMDAA1
They are expanding into more areas of gaming/gambling, working with international players in the digital gaming/gambling arena, and a Playboy sportsbook is on the horizon.
https://www.playboy.com/read/the-pleasure-of-playing-with-yourself-mobile-gaming-in-the-covid-era
Cannabis - If you’ve ever read through a Playboy magazine, you know they’ve had a positive relationship with cannabis for many years. As of September 2020, Playboy has made a major shift into the cannabis space. Too good to be true you say? Check their website. Playboy currently sells a range of CBD products. This is a good sign. Federal hemp products, which these most likely are, can be mailed across state lines and most importantly for a company like Playboy, can operate through a traditional banking institution. CBD products are usually the first step towards the cannabis space for large companies. Playboy didn’t make these products themselves meaning they are working with a processor in the cannabis industry. Another good sign for future expansion. What else do they have for sale? Pipes, grinders, ashtrays, rolling trays, joint holders. Hmm. Ok. So it looks like they want to sell some shit. They probably don’t have an active interest in cannabis right? Think again:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/javierhasse/2020/09/24/playboy-gets-serious-about-cannabis-law-reform-advocacy-with-new-partnership-grants/?sh=62f044a65cea
“Taking yet another step into the cannabis space, Playboy will be announcing later on Thursday (September, 2020) that it is launching a cannabis law reform and advocacy campaign in partnership with National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), Last Prisoner Project, Marijuana Policy Project, the Veterans Cannabis Project, and the Eaze Momentum Program.”
“According to information procured exclusively, the three-pronged campaign will focus on calling for federal legalization. The program also includes the creation of a mentorship plan, through which the Playboy Foundation will support entrepreneurs from groups that are underrepresented in the industry.” Remember that CEO Kohn from earlier? He wrote this recently:
https://medium.com/naked-open-letters-from-playboy/congress-must-pass-the-more-act-c867c35239ae
Seems like he really wants weed to be legal? Hmm wonder why? The writing's on the wall my friends. Playboy wants into the cannabis industry, they are making steps towards this end, and we have favorable conditions for legislative progress.
Don’t think branding your own cannabis line is profitable or worthwhile? Tell me why these 41 celebrity millionaires and billionaires are dummies. I’ll wait.
https://www.celebstoner.com/news/celebstoner-news/2019/07/12/top-celebrity-cannabis-brands/
Confirmation: I hear you. “This all seems pretty speculative. It would be wildly profitable if they pull this shift off. But how do we really know?” Watch this whole video:
https://finance.yahoo.com/video/playboy-ceo-telling-story-female-154907068.html
Man - this interview just gets my juices flowing. And highlights one of my favorite reasons for this play. They have so many different business avenues from which a catalyst could appear. I think paying attention, holding shares, and options on these staggered announcements over the next year is the way I am going to go about it. "There's definitely been a shift to direct-to-consumer," he (Kohn) said. "About 50 percent of our revenue today is direct-to-consumer, and that will continue to grow going forward.” “Kohn touted Playboy's portfolio of both digital and consumer products, with casino-style gaming, in particular, serving a crucial role under the company's new business model. Playboy also has its sights on the emerging cannabis market, from CBD products to marijuana products geared toward sexual health and pleasure.” "If THC does become legal in the United States, we have developed certain strains to enhance your sex life that we will launch," Kohn said. https://cheddar.com/media/playboy-goes-public-health-gaming-lifestyle-focus Oh? The CEO actually said it? Ok then. “We have developed certain strains…” They’re already working with growers on strains and genetics? Ok. There are several legal cannabis markets for those products right now, international and stateside. I expect Playboy licensed hemp and THC pre-rolls by EOY. Something like this: https://www.etsy.com/listing/842996758/10-playboy-pre-roll-tubes-limited?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pre+roll+playboy&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1 Maintaining cannabis operations can be costly and a regulatory headache. Playboy’s licensing strategy allows them to pick successful, established partners and sidestep traditional barriers to entry. You know what I like about these new markets? They’re expanding. Worldwide. And they are going to be a bigger deal than they already are with or without Playboy. Who thinks weed and gambling are going away? Too many people like that stuff. These are easy markets. And Playboy is early enough to carve out their spot in each. Fuck it, read this too: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jimosman/2020/10/20/playboy-could-be-the-king-of-spacs-here-are-three-picks/?sh=2e13dcaa3e05
Numbers: You want numbers? I got numbers. As per the company’s most recent SEC filing:
“For the year ended December 31, 2019, and the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s historical consolidated revenue was $78.1 million and $101.3 million, respectively, historical consolidated net income (loss) was $(23.6) million and $(4.8) million, respectively, and Adjusted EBITDA was $13.1 million and $21.8 million, respectively.”
“In the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Licensing segment contributed $44.2 million in revenue and $31.1 million in net income.”
“In the ninth months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Direct-to-Consumer segment contributed $40.2 million in revenue and net income of $0.1 million.”
“In the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Digital Subscriptions and Content segment contributed $15.4 million in revenue and net income of $7.4 million.”
They are profitable across all three of their current business segments.
“Playboy’s return to the public markets presents a transformed, streamlined and high-growth business. The Company has over $400 million in cash flows contracted through 2029, sexual wellness products available for sale online and in over 10,000 major retail stores in the US, and a growing variety of clothing and branded lifestyle and digital gaming products.”
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tSHCF
Growth: Playboy has massive growth in China and massive growth potential in India. “In China, where Playboy has spent more than 25 years building its business, our licensees have an enormous footprint of nearly 2,500 brick and mortar stores and 1,000 ecommerce stores selling high quality, Playboy-branded men’s casual wear, shoes/footwear, sleepwear, swimwear, formal suits, leather & non-leather goods, sweaters, active wear, and accessories. We have achieved significant growth in China licensing revenues over the past several years in partnership with strong licensees and high-quality manufacturers, and we are planning for increased growth through updates to our men’s fashion lines and expansion into adjacent categories in men’s skincare and grooming, sexual wellness, and women’s fashion, a category where recent launches have been well received.” The men’s market in China is about the same size as the entire population of the United States and European Union combined. Playboy is a leading brand in this market. They are expanding into the women’s market too. Did you know CBD toothpaste is huge in China? China loves CBD products and has hemp fields that dwarf those in the US. If Playboy expands their CBD line China it will be huge. Did you know the gambling money in Macau absolutely puts Las Vegas to shame? Technically, it's illegal on the mainland, but in reality, there is a lot of gambling going on in China. https://www.forbes.com/sites/javierhasse/2020/10/19/magic-johnson-and-uncle-buds-cbd-brand-enter-china-via-tmall-partnership/?sh=271776ca411e “In India, Playboy today has a presence through select apparel licensees and hospitality establishments. Consumer research suggests significant growth opportunities in the territory with Playboy’s brand and categories of focus.” “Playboy Enterprises has announced the expansion of its global consumer products business into India as part of a partnership with Jay Jay Iconic Brands, a leading fashion and lifestyle Company in India.” “The Indian market today is dominated by consumers under the age of 35, who represent more than 65 percent of the country’s total population and are driving India’s significant online shopping growth. The Playboy brand’s core values of playfulness and exploration resonate strongly with the expressed desires of today’s younger millennial consumers. For us, Playboy was the perfect fit.” “The Playboy international portfolio has been flourishing for more than 25 years in several South Asian markets such as China and Japan. In particular, it has strategically targeted the millennial and gen-Z audiences across categories such as apparel, footwear, home textiles, eyewear and watches.” https://www.licenseglobal.com/industry-news/playboy-expands-global-footprint-india It looks like they gave COVID the heisman in terms of net damage sustained: “Although Playboy has not suffered any material adverse consequences to date from the COVID-19 pandemic, the business has been impacted both negatively and positively. The remote working and stay-at-home orders resulted in the closure of the London Playboy Club and retail stores of Playboy’s licensees, decreasing licensing revenues in the second quarter, as well as causing supply chain disruption and less efficient product development thereby slowing the launch of new products. However, these negative impacts were offset by an increase in Yandy’s direct-to-consumer sales, which have benefited in part from overall increases in online retail sales so far during the pandemic.” Looks like the positives are long term (Yandy acquisition) and the negatives are temporary (stay-at-home orders).
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921006093/tm213766-1_defa14a.htm
This speaks to their ability to maintain a financially solvent company throughout the transition phase to the aforementioned areas. They’d say some fancy shit like “expanded business model to encompass four key revenue streams: Sexual Wellness, Style & Apparel, Gaming & Lifestyle, and Beauty & Grooming.” I hear “we’re just biding our time with these trinkets until those dollar dollar bill y’all markets are fully up and running.” But the truth is these existing revenue streams are profitable, scalable, and rapidly expanding Playboy’s e-commerce segment around the world.
"Even in the face of COVID this year, we've been able to grow EBITDA over 100 percent and revenue over 68 percent, and I expect that to accelerate going into 2021," he said. “Playboy is accelerating its growth in company-owned and branded consumer products in attractive and expanding markets in which it has a proven history of brand affinity and consumer spend.”
Also in the SEC filing, the Time Frame:
“As we detailed in the definitive proxy statement, the SPAC stockholder meeting to vote on the transaction has been set for February 9th, and, subject to stockholder approval and satisfaction of the other closing conditions, we expect to complete the merger and begin trading on NASDAQ under ticker PLBY shortly thereafter,” concluded Kohn.
The Players: Suhail “The Whale” Rizvi (HMFIC), Ben “The Bridge” Kohn (CEO), “lil” Suying Liu & “Big” Dong Liu (Young-gun China gang). I encourage you to look these folks up. The real OG here is Suhail Rizvi. He’s from India originally and Chairman of the Board for the new PLBY company. He was an early investor in Twitter, Square, Facebook and others. His firm, Rizvi Traverse, currently invests in Instacart, Pinterest, Snapchat, Playboy, and SpaceX. Maybe you’ve heard of them. “Rizvi, who owns a sprawling three-home compound in Greenwich, Connecticut, and a 1.65-acre estate in Palm Beach, Florida, near Bill Gates and Michael Bloomberg, moved to Iowa Falls when he was five. His father was a professor of psychology at Iowa. Along with his older brother Ashraf, a hedge fund manager, Rizvi graduated from Wharton business school.” “Suhail Rizvi: the 47-year-old 'unsocial' social media baron: When Twitter goes public in the coming weeks (2013), one of the biggest winners will be a 47-year-old financier who guards his secrecy so zealously that he employs a person to take down his Wikipedia entry and scrub his photos from the internet. In IPO, Twitter seeks to be 'anti-FB'” “Prince Alwaleed bin Talal of Saudi Arabia looks like a big Twitter winner. So do the moneyed clients of Jamie Dimon. But as you’ve-got-to-be-joking wealth washed over Twitter on Thursday — a company that didn’t exist eight years ago was worth $31.7 billion after its first day on the stock market — the non-boldface name of the moment is Suhail R. Rizvi. Mr. Rizvi, 47, runs a private investment company that is the largest outside investor in Twitter with a 15.6 percent stake worth $3.8 billion at the end of trading on Thursday (November, 2013). Using a web of connections in the tech industry and in finance, as well as a hearty dose of good timing, he brought many prominent names in at the ground floor, including the Saudi prince and some of JPMorgan’s wealthiest clients.” https://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/08/technology/at-twitter-working-behind-the-scenes-toward-a-billion-dollar-payday.html Y’all like that Arab money? How about a dude that can call up Saudi Princes and convince them to spend? Funniest shit about I read about him: “Rizvi was able to buy only $100 million in Facebook shortly before its IPO, thus limiting his returns, according to people with knowledge of the matter.” Poor guy :(
He should be fine with the 16 million PLBY shares he's going to have though :)
Shuhail also has experience in the entertainment industry. He’s invested in companies like SESAC, ICM, and Summit Entertainment. He’s got Hollywood connections to blast this stuff post-merger. And he’s at least partially responsible for that whole Twilight thing. I’m team Edward btw.
I really like what Suhail has done so far. He’s lurked in the shadows while Kohn is consolidating the company, trimming the fat, making Playboy profitable, and aiming the ship at modern growing markets.
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-twitter-ipo-rizvi-insight/insight-little-known-hollywood-investor-poised-to-score-with-twitter-ipo-idUSBRE9920VW20131003
Ben “The Bridge” Kohn is an interesting guy. He’s the connection between Rizvi Traverse and Playboy. He’s both CEO of Playboy and was previously Managing Partner at Rizvi Traverse. Ben seems to be the voice of the Playboy-Rizvi partnership, which makes sense with Suhail’s privacy concerns. Kohn said this:
“Today is a very big day for all of us at Playboy and for all our partners globally. I stepped into the CEO role at Playboy in 2017 because I saw the biggest opportunity of my career. Playboy is a brand and platform that could not be replicated today. It has massive global reach, with more than $3B of global consumer spend and products sold in over 180 countries. Our mission – to create a culture where all people can pursue pleasure – is rooted in our 67-year history and creates a clear focus for our business and role we play in people’s lives, providing them with the products, services and experiences that create a lifestyle of pleasure. We are taking this step into the public markets because the committed capital will enable us to accelerate our product development and go-to-market strategies and to more rapidly build our direct to consumer capabilities,” said Ben Kohn, CEO of Playboy.
“Playboy today is a highly profitable commerce business with a total addressable market projected in the trillions of dollars,” Mr. Kohn continued, “We are actively selling into the Sexual Wellness consumer category, projected to be approximately $400 billion in size by 2024, where our recently launched intimacy products have rolled out to more than 10,000 stores at major US retailers in the United States. Combined with our owned & operated ecommerce Sexual Wellness initiatives, the category will contribute more than 40% of our revenue this year. In our Apparel and Beauty categories, our collaborations with high-end fashion brands including Missguided and PacSun are projected to achieve over $50M in retail sales across the US and UK this year, our leading men’s apparel lines in China expanded to nearly 2500 brick and mortar stores and almost 1000 digital stores, and our new men’s and women’s fragrance line recently launched in Europe. In Gaming, our casino-style digital gaming products with Scientific Games and Microgaming continue to see significant global growth. Our product strategy is informed by years of consumer data as we actively expand from a purely licensing model into owning and operating key high-growth product lines focused on driving profitability and consumer lifetime value. We are thrilled about the future of Playboy. Our foundation has been set to drive further growth and margin, and with the committed capital from this transaction and our more than $180M in NOLs, we will take advantage of the opportunity in front of us, building to our goal of $100M of adjusted EBITDA in 2025.”
https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20201001005404/en/Playboy-to-Become-a-Public-Company
Also, according to their Form 4s, “Big” Dong Liu and “lil” Suying Liu just loaded up with shares last week. These guys are brothers and seem like the Chinese market connection. They are only 32 & 35 years old. I don’t even know what that means, but it's provocative.
https://www.secform4.com/insider-trading/1832415.htm
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/mountain-crest-acquisition-corp-ii-002600994.html
Y’all like that China money?
“Mr. Liu has been the Chief Financial Officer of Dongguan Zhishang Photoelectric Technology Co., Ltd., a regional designer, manufacturer and distributor of LED lights serving commercial customers throughout Southern China since November 2016, at which time he led a syndicate of investments into the firm. Mr. Liu has since overseen the financials of Dongguan Zhishang as well as provided strategic guidance to its board of directors, advising on operational efficiency and cash flow performance. From March 2010 to October 2016, Mr. Liu was the Head of Finance at Feidiao Electrical Group Co., Ltd., a leading Chinese manufacturer of electrical outlets headquartered in Shanghai and with businesses in the greater China region as well as Europe.”
Dr. Suying Liu, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp., commented, “Playboy is a unique and compelling investment opportunity, with one of the world’s largest and most recognized brands, its proven consumer affinity and spend, and its enormous future growth potential in its four product segments and new and existing geographic regions. I am thrilled to be partnering with Ben and his exceptional team to bring his vision to fruition.”
https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20201001005404/en/Playboy-to-Become-a-Public-Company
These guys are good. They have a proven track record of success across multiple industries. Connections and money run deep with all of these guys. I don’t think they’re in the game to lose.
I was going to write a couple more paragraphs about why you should have a look at this but really the best thing you can do is read this SEC filing from a couple days ago. It explains the situation in far better detail. Specifically, look to page 137 and read through their strategy. Also, look at their ownership percentages and compensation plans including the stock options and their prices. The financials look great, revenue is up 90% Q3, and it looks like a bright future.
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tSHCF
I’m hesitant to attach this because his position seems short term, but I’m going to with a warning because he does hit on some good points (two are below his link) and he’s got a sizable position in this thing (500k+ on margin, I think). I don’t know this guy but he did look at the same publicly available info and make roughly the same prediction, albeit without the in depth gambling or cannabis mention. You can also search reddit for ‘MCAC’ and very few relevant results come up and none of them even come close to really looking at this thing.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gOvAd6lebs452hFlWWbxVjQ3VMsjGBkbJeXRwDwIJfM/edit?usp=sharing
“Also, before you people start making claims that Playboy is a “boomer” company, STOP RIGHT THERE. This is not a good argument. Simply put. The only thing that matters is Playboy’s name recognition, not their archaic business model which doesn’t even exist anymore as they have completely repurposed their business.”
“Imagine not buying $MCAC at a 400M valuation lol. Streetwear department is worth 1B alone imo.”
Considering the ridiculous Chinese growth as a lifestyle brand, he’s not wrong.
Current Cultural Significance and Meme Value: A year ago I wouldn’t have included this section but the events from the last several weeks (even going back to tsla) have proven that a company’s ability to meme and/or gain social network popularity can have an effect. Tik-tok, Snapchat, Twitch, Reddit, Youtube, Facebook, Twitter. They all have Playboy stuff on them. Kids in middle and highschool know what Playboy is but will likely never see or touch one of the magazines in person. They’ll have a Playboy hoodie though. Crazy huh? A lot like GME, PLBY would hugely benefit from meme-value stock interest to drive engagement towards their new business model while also building strategic coffers. This interest may not directly and/or significantly move the stock price but can generate significant interest from larger players who will.
Bull Case: The year is 2025. Playboy is now the world leader pleasure brand. They began by offering Playboy licensed gaming products, including gambling products, direct to consumers through existing names. By 2022, demand has skyrocketed and Playboy has designed and released their own gambling platforms. In 2025, they are also a leading cannabis brand in the United States and Canada with proprietary strains and products geared towards sexual wellness. Cannabis was legalized in the US in 2023 when President Biden got glaucoma but had success with cannabis treatment. He personally pushes for cannabis legalization as he steps out of office after his first term. Playboy has also grown their brand in China and India to multi-billion per year markets. The stock goes up from 11ish to 100ish and everyone makes big gains buying somewhere along the way.
Bear Case: The United States does a complete 180 on marijuana and gambling. President Biden overdoses on marijuana in the Lincoln bedroom when his FDs go tits up and he loses a ton of money in his sports book app after the Fighting Blue Hens narrowly lose the National Championship to Bama. Playboy is unable to expand their cannabis and gambling brands but still does well with their worldwide lifestyle brand. They gain and lose some interest in China and India but the markets are too large to ignore them completely. The stock goes up from 11ish to 13ish and everyone makes 15-20% gains.
TL;DR: Successful technology/e-commerce investment firm took over Playboy to turn it into a porn, online gambling/gaming, sports book, cannabis company, worldwide lifestyle brand that promotes sexual wellness, vetern access, women-ownership, minority-ownership, and “pleasure for all”. Does a successful online team reinventing an antiquated physical copy giant sound familiar? No options yet, shares only for now. $11.38 per share at time of writing. My guess? $20 by the end of February. $50 by EOY. This is not financial advice. I am not qualified to give financial advice. I’m just sayin’ I would personally use a Playboy sports book app while smoking a Playboy strain specific joint and it would be cool if they did that. Do your own research. You’d probably want to start here:
WARNING - POTENTIALLY NSFW - SEXY MODELS AHEAD - no actual nudity though
https://s26.q4cdn.com/895475556/files/doc_presentations/Playboy-Craig-Hallum-Conference-Investor-Presentation-11_17_20-compressed.pdf
Or here:
https://www.mcacquisition.com/investor-relations/default.aspx
Jimmy Chill: “Get into any SPAC at $10 or $11 and you are going to make money.”
STL;DR: Buy MCAC. MCAC > PLBY couple weeks. Rocketship. Moon.
Position: 5000 shares. I will buy short, medium, and long-dated calls once available.

Happy Super Bowl Sunday!

If you had $5,000 to buy baseball cards to make as much money as possible in the next 5-10 years, what would you buy? Additional details in text.

JoJo's Bizarre OC Tournament #5: Round 3 Match 7 - Bang "Boogie" Bronson vs Espiritu (Glitchless) (Any%) (WR)

The results are in for Match 5. The winner is…
The Masters of Funky Action, with a score of 72 to Suburban Regalia‘s 64!

Category	Winner	Point Totals	Comments
Popularity	Masters of Funky Action	19-10	At 6.5 votes to 3.5, MFA took the lead early on and held onto it.
Quality	Suburban Regalia	20-21	Reasoning
JoJolity	Tie	23-23	Reasoning
Conduct	Tie	10-10

“Nngh… Gheh…” Lemon Demon couldn’t move much without hurting himself, and was beginning to black out as it was; Bert’s creations had been fended through, the pair had been separated, and he’d wound up tangled and chained up and unable to break free without some great risk to his own safety. Regardless, though, even slipping out of consciousness and feeling it, he kept up high spirits.
“Guess I’m beat… Guess this is some kinda karma. I always made phone cords so they get all tangled up on purpose… Whole design of the things was my idea.” He snickered a bit, turning his head as much as he could. “Okay, wanna help me down, Bert?”
The old troublemaker only heard silence back as his eyes shut.
“…Bert?”
Perseus Drakos and Casey Williams, standing at the bottom of the stairwell by the entrance to the basement room from which their opponents had come, were quiet, the older of the two putting a hand on the younger’s shoulder.
“Hey, Percy… Are you doing alright?”
“…why wouldn’t I be? We won… We beat a monster who killed tens of thousands. Got revenge for Rudolf…” Perseus answered, tone so even she couldn’t tell if he was forcing it or not, turning around and walking quickly towards the door, shrugging her hand away. “C’mon, we need to help those people still. They might still be alive.”
“…” Casey turned to watch him move, and didn’t let herself turn back towards the coffin of glass, which had been stuck with blade after blade and begun dripping something copper-scented all over the floor.
Whether he was being honest or not, Perseus was right. This mattered more.
The pair stepped into the trashed laboratory, unsurprised yet at once deeply concerned as they saw the bloodied forms of the University Board members laying there, large gashes in their heads, barely moving, at either side of some off-white mess in a pile of broken glass on the ground.
“They… They’re alive, for now, but… I don’t think they’ll last like this.” Casey expressed, trembling with her finger on the pulse of the restaurant’s owner. “We… Were we too late? Even fighting as fast as we could, were we too late?!”
“No, there…” Perseus’ voice cracked slightly. “There has to be something we can-” He paused, then, the Stranger guiding his attention to the ‘weapon’ on the ground.
Something the size of a ping-pong ball had begun to emerge from it.
There’s only a few hours left, meanwhile, to vote in the round’s first boss match, wherein a returning T3 character faces an ant-controlling boy and a shocking Kamen Rider!
Scenario:
Downtown Los Fortuna, The Capital Islets - Near City Hall
Council Chairperson Raymond Delwyn Shimizu was in about as good a mood as he could be, given the troubling circumstances. The city and everyone in it was in danger, and one of his closest allies here was currently on a dangerous mission to take down the entire leadership of the city’s most prominent crime rings, and still, petty bullshit, feuds and backroom deals and councilmen in people’s pockets continued to stand in the way of his efforts.
Nonetheless, he could not wear a worried face before the smiles and trust of the people he’d come to represent, let alone as he read over a speech that he’d slaved over just for today, for the latest anniversary of the city’s founding. It was a miracle of his legislative work that the islets had managed to be in enough of a state of repair to house any event at all, let alone as beloved as this one.
“That Andrew Tiffany fellow unveiled our city’s new flag at one of these foundational celebrations, couple years back.” A short, goggle-wearing guy with a red aviator cap spoke to Ray, and he regarded him unsuspiciously, as in spite of his comparable costume to certain ghosts around the city, the mayor of the town, unlike them, had a very large, prominent handlebar moustache covering up half of his face. “My first foundational celebration in office, that was… The mayor before me had just resigned after his jaywalking ring was exposed to the public by a clout-chasing whistleblower.”
Ray nodded, agreeing that such a thing, of course, was deeply scandalous, wholly deserving of a replacement by Mayor Rockin Red Robin. “I can tell you’ve inherited a lot of pressure… Especially needing to hunt down the Red Flying Man. I didn’t know you were the type to take action like that…”
“Of course, of course!” Mayor Red waved his hand, then, “in general, I think I must take my post more seriously, I’ve realized, especially having lost a brace of kinsmen myself to the tragedies of late. Tell you what, even… Add an addendum to your speech, that I’ve agreed to plan to get one of those ‘squads’ you want together, after this is done. I don’t flout my clout enough!”
“You… You mean that?” Would it be that easy? Would Ray have yet another of his campaign promises, the hardest he’d fought futilely for, officially realized?
“Certainly! So long as no abrupt scandals derail my entire political career, I should be very comfortably in a place to do so! No ulterior motives whatsoever! Only benevolence in this alliance!”
“Any last-minute setup you need done, Mr. Chairman? Mayor Red?”
The pair, then, looked to a tall teenaged temp they’d hired to help arrange for things, who wore a big beanie cap all the way down over his eyes… Thorburn, he’d said he was, and Ray, humoring the eccentric, accepted that for the sake of being a nice guy.
“Not that I know of…” He answered, looking around, then to the giant screens affixed to the outer walls of City Hall; climbing as well as he could, this volunteer had gotten them all installed easily. “Thanks, though. You’ve been as much help as half a dozen men or more… Uh. Maybe see if Golden Week needs anything?”
“Sure, yeah… That sounds fine. I’ll definitely do that.” Thorburn walked away, then, turning back a moment to conclude, “this commemoration… It’s going to be one to remember. Looking forward to the main event.”
“…” Ray wasn’t sure what to make of that, but before he could ask, the volunteer was gone. “Uh… Looks like it’s about time to get started. Wish me luck.”
As Ray stepped up, then, turning the mic on, he cleared his throat, earning the attention of the murmuring crowds as either hand rested on either side of the podium.
“Good afternoon, Los Fortuna. I am… Deeply humbled, that we have managed to get the former Capital Island in enough of a state of repair to host this event here once more, and would like to start with thanks to the relief and repair workers still spending hours on the islets every day.” He paused to allow the crowd to applaud, then opened his mouth again. “These first months as your council chairman have been-”
Royalty free music began to blare overtop itself in a discordant overlap, drowning out the interrupted words of the beginnings of Ray’s speech as the screens which had been displaying him to the crowd, suddenly, began to display static, then a form framed in silhouette.
“Hello, to everyone tuning in online and in-person,” the figure said, voice distorted and lowered several octaves digitally, “it’s your favorite and least favorite web personality, your best and your worst friend, here to steal the show!”
Several bumps began to emerge from the ground beneath Ray and other councillors waiting to speak, prompting them to tactically retreat from the gradually forming horned, mechanical-looking orbs with glowing green eyes which had begun to overtake the area.
“What the hell is going on..?”
Ray winced on his bad leg, then, before a much larger variant of the same, brighter in color, grabbed and tossed him into the soft grass. Amazingly, he landed harmlessly.
“Forget about all those corrupt jerks, just here to talk about themselves, alright? Talking about them is why I’M here.”
A Small House Just East of the Capital Islets, the Evening Before
Ever since she had suddenly awoken in Los Fortuna, Evelyn Ensanar had never once set foot outside of her home.
It had been…
Hell, how long had it been? Days had become weeks had become months, all within these walls and roof, and that would turn into lord knew how long. Wild. It's insane how big numbers can get.
Something tapped against the window.
It was a nice neighborhood they’d wound up in, her mother had optimistically said. The neighbors were friendly, and had a girl her age, and the school district was one of the better you could find in the urban area. She could start high school on a fresh note, with ‘good’ friends, and not just sit in front of a bunch of screens in a shuttered room, making more and more of an Evelyn-shaped impression in that ergonomic lounge chair she’d spent so much time in.
Yeah, mom.
Something tapped against the window.
Even as the island just West literally collapsed into pieces by some Stand Users’ hands, as the ground beneath her quaked, Evelyn couldn’t bring herself to go outside, and by some hand of fate, the place wasn’t destroyed; the security she’d installed over the months worked like a charm at keeping it floodproof, earthquake-proof, and most importantly, the lights plugged in and wi-fi working. That oh-so-nice high school was leveled and underwater without Evelyn even having bothered to google it.
Now the city was doomed to fall or whatever, everyone was gonna die if nothing was done, and while many others sprung into action, the fourteen year-old was as stagnant as the air in the room littered with posters of aliens and spaceships and electronics and their wirings strewn about the floor, waiting for their turn to be dusted off and tested out again.
Something tapped against the window.
It was a nice welcoming room, a welcoming room, if a bit dark. But hey, wasn’t that why electronics electronics were there, to lighten things up? Evelyn tried to part the messy blue bangs out of her eye, but it fell back into place immediately as she turned to chug another can of Forbidden Dew, jiggling her neon wireless mouse to put her screensaver to rest, revealing her cluttered desktop.
She wondered why she’d ever tried to live any other way in the first place. School was hell, and like hell, the gates were shut; people no matter how different or similar to her would forget her anyway. Even then, she’d tried time and time again to make the impossible work. God… I was so cringe back then. She was so miserable.
Something tapped against the window.
She looked towards the shuttered windows again, at the last vestiges of twilight fading through. It was funny, no, fucking hilarious, how that window had once shown nothing but city lights, but now, things were dim and half-sunk even when it was open. In the end, no matter how hard you try, everything leads to ‘Nothing’ in the end…
For Evelyn, however, it hadn’t been that way for a while. She’d broken past the boundaries that once corralled her, found a way in which she could be a part of a society she wanted, a pillar of it, never to be forgotten. To my viewers, to my fans, I’m an icon, someone admirable… Someone I can be my true self for, a world where I don’t have to fear any kind of fall. I’m a famous, popular creator to them! I am someone who matters… I need to act like that, don’t I? But… with everything going on… The end literally months away… I really need to snap out of this rut. I need to stay *me.***
CRASH!
A big, heavy rock flew through Evelyn’s window, something rubber-banded to it, and though she jumped in place and cursed under her breath, it was with a breathy sort of laugh while quickly assessing that it was absolutely not a bomb or something else. Just a ‘prank.’ She looked out to see who could be responsible, but felt like she’d only noticed a sort of glimmer in her eye, before turning towards the object in question.
Rubber banded to the rock was a bulky-looking manila folder, bearing the logo of that, uh… Church of Syrinx, she thought it was called? She didn’t pay much attention to them. Looked stolen, especially as she turned the rock over and saw a message painted onto it in neon.
NOT YOUR ENEMY, JUST SOMEONE WHO WANTS THINGS TO MOVE FORWARD
TALK AFTER STREAM. ONE REQUEST IN EXCHANGE FOR THIS
And then, it was signed with an emoji… One which made Evelyn chuckle to see.
How the hell did this guy fit that all onto one side of a rock? Well, whoever it was knew where she lived, so she supposed humoring this, talking to this stone age weirdo, was her best bet…
And no reason not to open up the folder in the meantime, looking its contents over. It was a collection of documents all stamped and labeled ‘CITY HALL.’
“‘Councilman Golden Week, Downtown District…’” She tilted her head, pulling more of the contents out. “‘Died months ago, replaced by another Stand User?’ ‘Ties to violent anarchist organizations?’” That made her chuckle, grin. “Based.”
From there, then, she thumbed over the contents, speed-reading every entry. Affairs, insider trading dirt, terrorism complicency… There was a veritable goldmine of blackmail material that had just literally been thrown through her window, all on the ‘good’ people at City Hall.
“There was that thing out there tomorrow, right?” She spoke to herself, looking out the destroyed window towards the sunken, half-rebuilt islets.
Already, an idea was starting to form. Evelyn would make her mark on history yet again. But she couldn’t get ahead of herself, of course. She had a stream to get underway, and someone to thank later. Her recording software was up and running, and for the audience, a figure in an astronaut helmet appeared onscreen, a text-to-speech voice accompanying speech bubbles emerging by the avatar’s side.

good evening fans and haters and five yr olds
it me
looks like we finally hit 100k subs. just happened 2day dont say otherwise. U alllllllllll know what that means right
tomorrow, (REAL) face reveal stream. i have some thing xtra special planned for it just u wait and see
all day tomorrow after noon. tell ur friends. it will b some thing new 4 me, and it, i promise, will be
epic

In high spirits, eagerly awaiting what would come next and planning already in their mind, UltraNebula67 proceeded to have one of the best evening streams they felt they’d had in a long time.
Downtown Los Fortuna, the Next Morning - En Route to Capital Island
Espiritu was not a fan of crowds, or of events. It was all noise, and content, and people hoping to speak their platforms in ways which belied their intentions. In Los Fortuna, it would always mean that there were so many more people than anywhere else he’d been whose sins he would see carried upon their backs, thinking nothing of how they would have to some day answer for what clung to them so fearsomely.
This city is the dead… I am as well.
Much had been on the jaguar’s mind in recent days… That Worm, he had taken something which Espiritu had valued dearly, a remnant of the only thing to truly ever be like him which had been stolen from him. He had taken and threatened one of the few people in this world who had known how to find it, and now, horrible loss had come. Failure, for Espiritu, was certain. Death would come.
Yet he walked towards City Hall with discomfort in his every step.
A message had been written in neon on the side of the Estate early that morning, as he’d come back from attempting to exercise, to find some sign of where the man might have taken the memento known as Golden State.

TODAY AT CITY HALL
MEN WILL BE RUINED
WILL YOU LET THEM?

As he read over those words, Espiritu felt as if he was being watched, heard a rustling in the grassy forests of the island.
This wasn’t a warning, then. It was an ultimatum. Somebody was calling him out, meant to drag him in front of the city for whatever purpose was running through their mind… Over the well-being of people whose lives meant nothing to him, whose suffering he could not even begin to give a damn about if he wanted to.
He would make his way out there as soon as he could.
“Oh shit, hey, what’s up?”
Espiritu was distracted from his thoughts on the matter by the teenaged voice cutting in to question his presence. Sitting on a bench close to the epicenter of the speech, half-watching the council chairman speak to somebody or another and plan it out, was the strawberry blonde biker known as ‘Lou’ Reed, sitting and having Wrenn Aflight, disguised only with a big scarf over his face’s lower half, lean into her shoulder slightly.
They seemed to be doing well, regardless of the grudges clinging to their backs, and Espiritu needed more information.
“You… Hello, yes. I am here for an important reason. I’ve received a warning that ‘something’ would happen to ‘ruin’ the men here, if I did not appear. Have you found what you said you would?”
It was a matter unrelated to Espiritu’s presence here, and Lou shook her head. “I’m working on it… And hell, maybe we’re looking into the same thing. Mostly I’m here so Wedding March fanboys don’t start trashing the place and demanding they reinstall their guy just because he died and came back.” She smiled softly, then, adding, “I doubt they’ll try anything, but honestly… I’d almost like to see them try, just gimme the excuse, you know?”
“That does not sound like what I am looking into.” Espiritu continued speaking through his Stand, looking to the idol next. “A message was spray-painted onto the Estate, by somebody nimble. Do you know anything about where your ally is? If he knows anything about it?”
“You mean Bang?” Wrenn tilted his head. “Tell the truth, I haven’t talked to him much at all the past few days! He’s been running around doing this, that, this other thing, and I haven’t been able to keep track of it… If I thought it was important, I’d try, though!”
“You two are no help, then,” Espiritu remarked, not resenting it, but not wanting to stick around long if he didn’t need to, either. He liked one of the two people present here, and the other had similar amounts of grudges to himself, but he would not waste his time here.
He began to walk away, then, the companionship between the two meaning little to him.
“If something happens, let me know.”
Before he could investigate any further, however, robotic-looking things began to emerge from the ground, round, and bumpy, and charging people, pushing them yet not seeming to hurt them, and Espiritu ran and ran away, desperate even more now to find what was going on.
Horrible, discordant noises were blaring, and a new, shadowed face appeared on the screens which had been displaying Raymond Delwyn Shimizu’s speech.
“Hello, to everyone tuning in online and in-person,” the figure said, voice distorted and lowered several octaves digitally, “it’s your favorite and least favorite web personality, your best and your worst friend, here to steal the show!”
More people were thrown, yet none harmed.
“Forget about all those corrupt jerks, just here to talk about themselves, alright? Talking about them is why I’M here.”
“Are you alright, chairman?!” Mayor Red helped Ray up with surprising strength, dusting him off and looking things over.
“Yeah… Just surprised a bit. If these are Stand constructs, their power is surprisingly low. Virtually indestructible, though…”
“I’m here for multiple reasons, really… The first, of course, is to celebrate my own milestones as a creator and community head! That’s right! UltraNebula67 has broken the 100k subscriber milestone! I just needed to do something special for that, right?”
A chat sidebar appeared on the side of the silhouetted screens, showcasing the series of emojis representing the viewers’ joy at this, as well as many talking about a face reveal or asking what the hell was being played.
“Rather than using my avatar for this… I’m going to make a face reveal, and explain today’s stream, the greatest pranks I’ve pulled yet, as myself! Are you hype? Get hype! Okay! Alright! Hyper! More hype! Okay, just a little less hype… Little more! Okay!” Nebula’s shadowy hand held up a remote, and they began to count down, voice growing less and less distorted, “in five… four… three… two..!”
The lights in the room came on dramatically then, and all were able to see the iconic streamer’s face for the first time, grinning in a sure, confident way as their blue hair looked quite natural rested with bangs covering up one eye.
Though they didn’t know to call them Evelyn, the world could see the teenaged girl behind Nebula for the first time.
(art by crimsonRedscarlet!)
This… This problem is being caused by a child? Of course it is. Espiritu was unsurprised, even if he knew that he wasn’t exactly a boomer himself.
For a single, shy moment, Nebula’s hand waved, with a little “hey..!” in a lower voice than the previous grandstanding, before she gulped, nodded, and narrowed her visible eye, grinning and raising her voice again. “It’s great to finally show my face to the world, and I couldn’t have picked a better special stream to do it! See, not only have I, as you can see, had these ‘minions’ of mine take over the steps in front of City Hall, but I even have a reason to!” A lofty folder full of documents was pulled into Nebula’s hands, ushered in by a cascade of air horns. “Things to be said about everyone here, councillors and mayors and DAs, oh my! All leaked to me by a great new friend!”
“Just to let you know I’m not kidding, let’s start with a ‘freebie,’ to show this stuff means business! To the guy no longer in office, the man who claimed to be pro-safety and was murdered anyway, then came back when nobody asked him to, Wedding March!” Documentation of the former Council Chairman filled the screen, as well as photos of his middle-aged face, transactional records indicating exactly what Nebula was about to say.
“That necromancied old-timer had been blocking so many reforms for the city, all because he’d been taking tons of under-the-table payments from Ugo McBaise’s VALKYRIE to set up the table for a private police force basically replacing the already-pretty-garbo police! He was even starting to fund his reelection bid! Talk about CRINGE, am I right? Now, a lot of these aren’t quite that, we’ve got affairs, embarrassing secrets, old photos, all of it spicy, and I’ve saved some of the absolute nastiest for later!”
“Is she just… Leaking corruption stuff?” Wrenn tilted his head, his own Stand beginning to recall where a moment ago he’d been trying to fight. “That sounds fine actually! I think she’s just doing this to get into the drama sphere, but people should be punished for that kinda stuff!”
“Honestly… Nobody’s been hurt yet, just shoved around.” Lou, too, stood down, slightly, a little amused, if anything. “Fuck it, sure. I’m along for the ride… What’s the endgame with all these gaming enemy robot things?”
“I’ve watched her streams before…” Wrenn admitted. “I thought her Stand ability was clicking on stuff and making it stop.”
“Now, I know what some of you longterm fans are thinking… ‘I thought their Stand ability was clicking on stuff and making it stop!’” Nebula threw her head back, laughing and waving a mouse around. “That’s just something this mouse can do, I’ll have you know! My Stand isn’t just defined by a weird new way to play ‘cookie clicker!’ No, no, by now you’ve noticed all those enemies from Iconic Video Game roaming around, just bumping into or throwing guys in their way… This, and how it created my usual avatar, are my REAL ability!”
“That’s right, this is a Stand reveal, too!” Pogchamps resembling Nebula’s avatar filled the chatbar, and Nebula revealed a pair of VR glasses-looking things, flipping them over her head. “This… Is ‘Wind of Fjords!’ I can connect to any alternate reality through this, any medium, and within a few hours, raise up anything from it I want! Though if I can’t control it myself, it has a mind of my own… I’m not controlling those bullying baddies down there, even if I did queue them up last night, for the record! But they aren’t the only thing I’ve summoned up, either.”
She was making this into a game. Espiritu was more and more appalled.
“See, much as I love the info in here… I’m not a drama channel. I’m a gamer at heart, someone who loves to play games, to really get involved with the community instead of just talking at people! So I’ve decided, since you know I’m not bluffing, whether or not all of this stuff gets leaked, is going to DEPEND now on a ‘game.’”
The mayor looked deeply concerned, there, and Raymond stood up a bit, looking to aides. “Find where they’re streaming from… I want to have a chat with this kid.”
A cheap-looking 3D model of a videogame card key spun around on the centralmost screen, the other two occupied by the 2D sprites which nonetheless successfully rotated and existed in 3D space. “That bad boy is what I call the ‘data key…’ It’s a device I made up and wrote a whole short story about, and you know what its power is? Its power is that if someone is holding onto it after I start a five minute countdown, they get to decide if the leak goes through and the whole online gets these notes or not! And right here, right now… It’s IN someone’s possession, at that very site! You’ll be able to identify them by a little triangle rotating above their head. And it has this weird little glitch where it just leaks everything automatically if more than two people are fighting for it at one-”
“I’ll explain from here.” Another voice chimed in, audible on the stream; this one was definitely masculine.
The crowd murmured and looked around, only for someone - the volunteer, Thorburn, in his big beanie cap - to rush out into the middle of the enemies in his waiter-looking outfit, then dramatically toss his disguise away, revealing shockingly to the world the distinctive hair and sleeveless outfit of Bang “Boogie” Bronson.
A triangular shape was rotating above his head, and a microphone was in his hand, which he spoke into, then, gazing out into the crowd as the streaming screen split to focus on both his face and Evelyn’s.
“You came here… I know you did. So why haven’t you come out yet?”
Everyone was silent, then. Almost everyone was confused, but one member of the crowd knew exactly who was being addressed.
“You have about five minutes now… You know that, don’t you? If you don’t steal this from me… We’re going to put things out that ruin basically everyone in city hall. And sure, most deserve that, but… It doesn’t make a g-goddamn difference to me, win or lose, whatever happens. What matters is that *you fight for it, tooth and nail.”***
…
…
Bang hung his head, shutting his eyes. “I see… So in the end, you can’t do it. Y-you talk big about taking control, but you’re hopeless… You don’t think it’s worth it at all.”

PRESUMPTUOUS!

A TTS device, different from Nebula’s usual, rang through the arena quite loudly, everyone confused and murmuring about who to send in, if they should bother at all, until the source came through; it was a fucked up-looking jaguar with a cell phone, the latter of which speaking words in tandem with his Stand emoting them.
“These people, these councillors… They mean nothing to me, and I do not want them in charge of me. Most could not care less. They will be weighed by what they have done for a long, long time.” Espiritu stepped closer, then, more and more of a disgusted look in his eye. “What you, and this… GAMER, have done, it is not justice. It is not even a test… You are acting solely to disrupt, solely for yourselves, and feeling important. It’s despicable, with what we’re on the verge of. With what is going to kill us in here.”
“WHOA! AN ENTIRE JAGUAR HAS STEPPED INTO THE RING, CHAT! BANG “BOOGIE” BRONSON IS GONNA BE FIGHTING A JAGUAR FOR THIS!” Nebula sounded genuinely excited, trying not to let the terrible and apt words get to her. This was going to be amazing.
“Espiritu…” Bang couldn’t help but smile, bouncing back and forth on his heels and tilting his head. “If you think so, th-then put a stop to it. I want to see you try… I want you to put everything you’ve got into this.”
“This is a waste of time. Nobody else is even bothering to join in, it is so much a waste of time.” Espiritu concluded, preparing a stance to make a movement. “Five minutes… You won’t last that against me.”
Bang bounced a spray paint can in his hand. “That’s the spirit.”
Nebula, then, made sure several airhorns blared at once, calling out…
“OPEN THE GAME!”
Location: Downtown, in front of City Hall. The area here is 75 by 85 meters with each tile being 5 by 5 meters. Espiritu starts on the left center and Bang is on the right center as represented by their respective character tokens.
The yellow tiles are cobblestone walkways, with the darker yellow tiles being the sidewalk that borders the road represented by grey tiles. On the road, there are parked cars represented by the purple rectangles, naturally these cars are locked.
The green dotted rectangles are designated greenery zones and each have shrubs and small thin trees inside them. They also each have a lamppost as represented by the yellow “X” marked circles, each lamppost is 5 meters tall.
At the top center is the City Hall Building, in the center of it is a podium and the lined part of it is the stairs leading up to the upper foundation represented by the main grey rectangle. The upper foundation is 3 meters tall. The columns supporting the front of the building are 5 meters tall, and while the entrance to city hall is visibly represented by the rounded rectangle, it is not enterable for this match.
There are several entities here created by Nebula’s Stand Ability and they come in two varieties. They are represented by the 12 red square faces and the 6 blue square faces and will be gone over in more detail below. Both types of entities are vaguely humanoid creatures and it’s pretty clear that they must be from some type of video game.
Goal: Be the one with the Data Key at the end of 5 minutes!
Additional Information:
The Data Key is not a physical entity, it is a program that attaches itself to a host. While inside a host a holographic triangle icon will appear above the host’s head. Outside of a host it looks like a floating pixel art key in a .25 diameter translucent bubble. While floating, the key will float slowly towards the center of the map, one meter off the ground at a slow walking pace. It is also not physically tangible to walls and objects, but will bind itself to the player that touches it.
In order to knock the Data Key out of a host, they must be attacked by one of Nebula’s entities mentioned above, more detail below on specifics. But if a person with the Data Key is attacked by another person directly, say with a punch or anything really that causes pain or injury, the Data Key will transfer itself to the attacker.
At the start of the match Bang will be the one with the Data Key.
The Red Entities are known as Chargers and as their name implies they will run at you and knock the Data Key out of you on impact if you have it. They have C Power, C Speed, and A Durability. Their charge is very much like a football tackle and meant to knock the target over. They have a 30 meter aggro range from their starting position and will detect and go after players in that range. They will prioritize whoever’s closer. If they are 30 meters away from their starting position or there is no target in aggro range, they will make their way back to the starting position until they aggro on something within range again.
The Blue Entities are known as Chucks and as their name implies they will grab and throw whatever they get their hands on at full power. If you have the Data Key on you, it will get left behind where the Chuck is as you get tossed. They have A Power, C Speed, and A Durability. They have the same aggro principles and detection as the Red Entities and when a player is in grab range, they will initiate a two handed grab and toss on whatevewhoever they manage to catch. They also seem to have impeccable aim and will always throw things to the farthest away greenery area. Except the two on the road, those two will throw you towards the roof of City Hall that is visible on the map.

Team	Combatant	JoJolity
Masters of Funky Action	Bang “Boogie” Bronson	“Face forward, don't attack me! It's not gonna hit, anyway!” You are not worried about these things at all, in fact you can make use of these things too. Use Nebula’s Stand Entities here to your advantage!
Black Hill Estate	Espiritu del Alocatlal	“Great misfortune is on its way here.” Well since these things will be getting in both your ways, maybe they could be useful to you. Use Nebula’s Stand Entities here to your advantage!

Link to the Official Player Spreadsheet
Link to Match Schedule
As always, if you would like to interact with the tournament community and be among the first to get updates for the tournament, please feel free to PM a member of our Judge staff for an invite to our Official Discord Server!

MSFBC Morning After Thoughts

Andi Crushes Her Crush's Balls

Hey guys, this is a quick one-shot story but I'd be open to doing a second part if anyone wants it. Please leave any feedback you have, I'd really like to know what I can do better.
_______________________________________________________
Andi was loving karate.
It had only been a few weeks since she started but she was a fast learner. Being the shy, non-confrontational girl that she was, she was hesitant when her friend Katie had asked her to come along, but she was glad she did. Learning about the natural power in her body gave her a lot of confidence.
It was this extra confidence that meant that after a while she decided to try to make conversation with Sean. He was in Andi’s class at school but he’d never really noticed her. She noticed him, though. To put it simply, he was a stud. On the football team, same story as always - the quintessential high school heartthrob. When he’d started coming to karate lessons, it was Andi’s dream come true. But she needed something to talk to him about, and she kept drawing blanks.
One afternoon, before class, Andi had arrived early and was the only person at the dojo. She hadn’t changed into her karate gear yet, still clad in a simple black t-shirt and tight leggings. She was sitting on the bench at the edge of the mats when Sean walked over and sat on the next bench down. They didn’t even make eye contact, but her heartbeat started to speed up. This was a chance to talk to him one on one! Her mind raced and her eyes darted around to find a conversation topic. Her attention was caught by what Sean was holding - a hard, domed piece of plastic. It was - Oh God, it was his groin guard. Now she was thinking about his groin. Before she had a chance to decide whether this was a weird thing to talk about, she had already blurted it out.
‘Hey, you ever wonder how well those things work? Like, do they even do anything?’
Sean looked up in surprise. Evidently, he’d barely known Andi was there. ‘Oh, hey… Andi, right? Uh, you mean this thing?’ He held up the cup, uncertain where she was going with this.
Andi didn’t know where she was going either. She was sure she’d fucked everything up, but there was no going back now. ‘Uh, yeah! Do you really think it can stop it from hurting when you get hit down there? I bet it doesn’t even hurt that much anyway.’
Sean was defensive. ‘Well yeah, a girl would think that! You don’t have to worry about it.’
Andi’s common sense told her to shut up, but she doubled down. ‘You know what? I don’t think they test those things. They could be useless and you wouldn’t know until…’ She’d just had a terrible idea. This would probably be the best chance she’d ever have to make physical contact with Sean’s genitals.
‘Until… What?… Oh. Sure, but that’s not gonna happen much.’ Sean was visibly uncomfortable now, subconsciously pressing his legs together.
‘Do you really want to find out it doesn’t work in the middle of a fight? I think it would be better to know for sure. I could… help you’.
Sean had had enough. ‘It works fine! I don’t need to test it!’
Andi felt an unfamiliar twinge. Was she… actually enjoying making him squirm? She pressed further. ‘If you’re so sure the cup works then you won’t mind me testing it. What’s the matter, are you scared?’
That did it. Sean, 6 feet tall, the massive, muscle-bound footballer, wasn’t going to admit that he was scared of the small, mousy girl who had barely managed to speak to him. He was - he valued his testicles - but he valued his masculine pride more. ‘Ugh. Fine. But I’m telling you, this is pointless.’ He stood up and turned away from Andi to slip the cup in.
Andi couldn’t believe that had worked. Hell, she couldn’t believe she wanted it to work. But somehow the idea of pounding the source of the manliness that she was so drawn to was seeming more enticing by the minute. She stood up as well, pulling her brown hair into a ponytail and adjusting her glasses. She may have been small, but her physique was impressive - most notably the toned thighs that her leggings put on full display. She knew how strong she was, and now Sean did too - He eyed her up and down, trying unsuccessfully not to let himself be aroused.
Andi was squealing internally. It was obvious that Sean was into her. And here she was about to kick the crap out of the boy she’d been longing to get close to. ‘Come on, spread your legs or I can’t get a clear shot! Don’t you want the test to be accurate?’
‘Yeah, but do you have to kick, like, hard? We can still test with softer kicks, right?’
‘Nuh-uh, we’re doing this properly. And what are you even worried about? You’re protected!’
Sean took a deep breath and spread his legs. Andi assumed a fighting stance, one dainty bare foot back, fists raised in front of her chest, which seemed to be drawing Sean’s attention. Had he always been such a perv?
While Sean was distracted, Andi saw her chance to strike. She swung her knee up and snapped out her lower leg, smacking the top of her foot into the plastic covering Sean’s gonads, nearly lifting him off the floor. He doubled over with an oof, but remained standing. ‘There. How was that? You look okay.’ Andi stood back and observed Sean’s recovery.
‘Yeah… See… Hardly felt it’, Sean said between heavy breaths.
Andi clapped twice. ‘Great! Let’s try another!’
‘Hey, wait a -’ Sean didn’t get to finish his sentence as Andi grabbed his shoulders and slammed her knee into the fork of his legs. He bent over slightly again as Andi’s foot returned to the floor, then sprang up again as she pistoned her knee into his armoured manhood twice more. He clutched his groin and gritted his teeth, which Andi took as a sign that she’d at least done some damage.
After he was able to stand and speak normally, Andi wanted to know the results. ‘So? Did it hurt less than it does without a cup?’
‘Um… Yeah, definitely. I reckon it hurts way more without.’
Andi’s eyes narrowed. ‘You reckon?’
‘Oh! I mean, yeah, it does, definitely.’
‘...You’ve never been kicked in the balls before.’
‘No, I swear I have -’
‘How are we supposed to do a test with no control group?’ Andi shook her head. ‘Guess I’m gonna have to hurt you for real now. Sorry!’ She grinned. This just got even better. ‘You’re not gonna need that cup for this part.’
‘No fucking way. Why would I ever let you do that? I’m keeping it on’.
This was difficult, but Andi had a plan. Sean was flushed, and his eyes kept darting down to her chest and legs. She could use his sexuality against him. She tried a seductive smile - this was all still new to her - as she pulled Sean closer. ‘Hey, how about we make a deal? You take it off… and I take this off.’ She tugged at her t-shirt, lifting it just high enough for Sean to peek at her bra. Andi still couldn’t believe she was doing this - It was all her fantasies coming true at once. She admired the hunk of a guy before her as he weighed his options.
‘...Okay. I’ll do it. But you take the shirt off first.’
Andi smirked. She was going to make him regret that decision. She puled her shirt off over her head, exposing her cleavage, which was impressive for a small girl. She nodded to Sean, who hesitated before reluctantly removing his cup. ‘Do you really have to do this?’ he tried. ‘We can just go have some fun at my place if you want.’
A day earlier, Andi would have jumped at that chance. But this was giving her an indescribable rush that nothing else could come close to. ‘Come on. The sooner you spread your legs, the sooner I’ll be done.’
Sean obeyed. Andi stepped back and with all her strength let fly another snap kick that annihilated Sean’s unprotected sack. She felt his gonads distort, crushed between her midnight blue-polished toes and his pubic bone. He yelped in pain and dropped to the ground, where he curled up, whimpering. Andi lifted her foot and gently stepped on Sean’s side, silently declaring victory. ‘I guess you were right then! The cup really does work.’
Sean only moaned in response. Andi continued, ‘That was fun! And I’m glad we got it figured out. I guess that means that’s it for the experiment…’ - Sean breathed a sigh of relief - ‘...But here’s the thing. This is fun. So I’m going to keep kicking you. Just because I fucking want to.’ Andi could hardly believe the words that were coming out of her own mouth. She’d discovered a whole new side to herself, and she was loving it. She rolled Sean onto his back, pried his fingers away from his crotch and punted him in the balls again. She held her foot in place, grinding her heel in, feeling the contours of his genitals though his thin pants. Sean grabbed her ankle and tried hard to pull it away, but his strength was being sapped by the sweet little thing who was gleefully demolishing his manhood.
After a few minutes, Andi relented. Sean was able to get to his feet, but the second he did, he was met with another knee between the legs. ‘I was almost forgetting, Sean! This is karate class! I should be practising my moves!’ Andi shifted on to her left leg, pivoted, pulled her right leg up to her chest and thrust it out to her side, connecting squarely with Sean’s groin and knocking him off his feet. She feigned a stomp, but stopped before she connected. Sean flinched. Andi giggled. Then she lifted her knee to her chest and stomped him for real, squashing his big testicles out to either side of her foot. She wiggled it from left to right, smiling when he winced.
She glanced at the clock on the wall. She only had a few minutes before the others would start showing up. She had to make them count. She knelt between his legs and cupped his scrotum in her left hand. ‘Andi, please -’ Sean started, but she ignored his terrified pleas and squeezed. Sean screamed, the pitch getting higher as Andi’s grip tightened. His eyes started to water. His whole body felt the immense pain. Andi was almost ecstatic. She squeezed with all her might and twisted his sack. Just as he felt like he was about to be neutered, she let him go and stood up.
‘Thanks, Sean! I had no idea how much fun this would be. I’ll let you get up now, we have a karate class in a few minutes!’ She pulled off her leggings and slipped into her karate gear as Sean slowly recovered on the ground. Now that he wasn’t in immediate distress, all the fear was turning to anger. When he was finally able to stand, he struggled towards Andi, balling up his fist. ‘You - bitch - I’ll -’ Andi spun around and with reflexes like lightning she balled up her own fist and gently tapped Sean’s nuts. He collapsed again.
At this moment, the doors opened and the other students began to enter. Sean slowly pulled himself up onto the bench and put his groin guard back in.
The class passed uneventfully. Andi and Sean were never paired up. On the way out the door, Andi hung back and tugged on Sean’s arm. Once everyone else was out of earshot, she said ‘Thanks again. That was fucking amazing! I feel like a different person.’ It was true. Andi had never been so confident in her life.
‘Fuck you’. Sean scowled.
Andi smirked. She cocked her hip to the side and rested her hand there. ‘Oh, would you like to?’
Sean opened his mouth to tell her to fuck off but stopped. He considered her words. ‘…Yeah, actually.’
‘Well, let’s head for your place, big boy! I hope those balls still work!’ She tapped his crotch playfully. This seemed like it could be the start of a beautiful thing.

Reasons to live

i just wanted to say i know this has been done but i wanted to do my own.
im super sorry if i repeat something
hey... maybe you’re reading this because this is your last hope, that you’ve been too strong for too long, hey i just wanted to say it’s okay, take a deep breath, exhale, do that a couple of times... in and out... in and out... i’m here for you. and hey it’s okay... it’s okay to cry, to let it all out... but it’s not your time to go and i want you to read these reasons to live with me.
close your eyes and imagine them after we’re done okay?

ice cream... the cooling relief of it on a hot summer day. chocolate, vanilla, cotton candy... more flavours then i can name off
dogs... awh doesn’t your heart just fill with joy when you see a dog run up to you and run around you. pet him! his fur is so soft don’t you feel?
friends... ah i know they can be annoying at times but think of all the laughing, all of the times you guys have done stupid things together. all the times you laughed so damn hard you forgot to breath
video games... ah as frustrating as they can be, it’s a world at your fingertips. maybe it’s minecraft? let’s build a house! or maybe it’s COD. i’ll go easy on you this time! :)
food... ooohhh who doesn’t love food? i mean there’s so much of it, so many varieties, so many flavours. why don’t we go grab some pizza?
soft drinks... oh lets go to the convenience store and grab a root beer. its super refreshing! the carbonation is a little much for me. and oh the burps afterwards! let’s have a burping contest!
memes... there’s so many of them! i can’t even keep track of them anymore to be honest! i’ll send you some hehe!
sports... i don’t know if this is your forte but theyre so much fun! there’s so many sports we can do! and the best part is you don’t even have to be good at them! we have soccer, football, basketball? maybe we can go skiing?
the sun... hey the shade is a little cold! why don’t we go out in the sun! open your arms and stretch them out and just absorb the warmth... it’s soooo nice isn’t it? i wonder if cats feel this way?
oh yeah cats! arent baby cats cute? sure cats can be a little fussy but when they’re in a good mood they can be so cuddly and nice! i have a cat... well three actually! wanna come see them?
family... i know not all of us have a happy family at home... but why don’t you come over for dinner? maybe we could have a movie night or go out for dinner together with my family! :)
music... when i get sad i just pop my earbuds in... soemtimes i listen to rap, sometimes it’s rock n roll, sometimes it’s something from the 80s... hey i’ll share my earbuds with you! you can pick the song!
grass... let’s take our shoes off! it’s a nice summer day and the grass is nice and cooling. it feels relieving and tickles your toes doesn’t it?
clothes! oh my goodness i LOVE clothes! wanna come shopping with me? we can pick out some super cute outfits! don’t worry if you look good cause you can rock anything you put on! look at you :D
shopping! shopping is so much fun! we can buy clothes, or shoes, or video games, or food, or maybe some cute jewelry! the mall is the perfect place to go! we can grab something to eat before we go!
sleep. oh my goodness. don’t you just love sleep? you get to unwind, settle down, and just close your eyes and relax, let yourself drift away into a world of dreams. your body gets the rest it needs and when you wake up in the morning you get to start a whole new day :D
people. ah yes i know they can be buttholes but there’s so many cool people you’ve yet to meet. why don’t we point out cool things we see people wearing? look that guy has a really funny hat!
the future. i know you’re in pain rn but i want you to know that the pain doesn’t last forever. one day it’ll be gone, you just have to keep fighting. i’ll be right here with you along the whole way okay? i’ll help you. i’ll be here.
your future significant other. one day one day. you’re going to meet that special person. and they are going to light up your whole world. there will never be a dull moment with them. they’ll love you, hold you, be there for you. you’ll do so many amazing things. like go to the movies, get married, have kids.... go on long walks on the beach, hikes, vacations!
your future kids. one day after you’ve met your special person. you’ll have kids! YES that’s right! mini versions of you! running around, learning and growing. and just imagine how beautiful they’ll look in your arms when you first hold them! you’ll watch them grow and mature. you’ll be there for their first step, first fight, first breakup, first bike ride, first award, first A in school, when they graduate, when they sneak out for the first time. awh imagine how happy you’ll be when you see them off to prom or their wedding!
ah rhat reminds me! your wedding! what an amazing day! you’ll tie the knot with the love of your life. you’ll make me cry. imagine everything’s to your liking! people are there and someone asks you and your SO for your vows and after everything you say “i do” and you kiss as if it was for the first time, you’ve started a new chapter, a new journey, with the person you love. it’ll be amazing i promise!
snow! i know it’s cold and wet but snow is so much fun! we can build a fort, or throw snowballs, we can stick our tongues out and catch them. so wanna have a snowball fight?
shoes. whether you’re into shoes or not. getting a new pair of shoes is the best feeling! what are we feeling? maybe a pair of nikes? whatttt about nike cortez? like the ones forest gump wore? or maybbeeee a really comfy pair of adidas shoes? let’s go see all the options!
hikes. it’s a lot of walking. but look at the view! you can see forever! and look at all the animals and bugs! ew a mosquito! here i have some bug spray
blankets. oh don’t you love snuggling up in some soft, warm blankets? there is so many kinds!
writing stories! we can write a story! it’s so cool! we can make our own characters, make them do what we want them to! why don’t we write about... hmmm maybe a love story??? or what aboutttt a comedy?
doing well in school! it’s so awesome to get a good grade in school! i’ll help you study! and i am so proud of you for getting those grades! you’ve worked so hard for them :)
discovering a new artist or band! omg it is so amazing to discover new music! listening to songs for the very first time! and getting a obsession when you find one that is sooo good!
painting! painting is so cool! there are so many colors, so many things you can do! why don’t we follow a bob ross painting video? i bet yours will look amazing :)
the little details in things. like the fluff on someone’s sweater, the spots on a ladybug, the little squares on a tv, the feeling of water touching your skin, the sound of people laughing, the little hole in the ground dug by a squirrel
things will get better. they will. maybe mot for a while but remember that you have to go through bad things to get to the good. you got this :)
watching videos! i think watching videos of vines, or cute animals or maybe a cool makeup tutorial or your favourite youtuber is awesome!
meeting old friends and talking about things like a throwback. remember when one of our friends jumped off the roof into the pool?
building a lego set! building lego sets is the coolest thing! there are so many options! i’ve been eyeing this stranger things lego set for a while! wanna build it with me?
flowers! flowers are so beautiful! hehe as beautiful as you <3 there’s roses, orchids, tulips, daisies. they smell pretty too! hey look a bumblebee is on that flower!
there’s us! all of us! we’re here for you. we want you to keep fighting cause not only do we believe in you but we believe you can do anything! if you ever need help. we’re here :)
love. love is everywhere around us. maybe it’s a dog in the park, or a phone call from a friend. or someone special. love makes you feel all warm and happy :)
water! there’s so much to do in the water! we can go swimming, play marco polo, see who can hold their breath the longest, maybe we can have a diving contest?? :D
it’s not your time. it’s not your time to go yet! there’s still so much we have to do! so many people we have to influence, meet, so many things we have to do like maybe skydiving or going somewhere we haven’t been before, or watching that new movie, trying all sorts of food we haven’t yet.
bubble gum. there are so many flavours. we can go try them all!
christmas! we can’t forget christmas! it’s like the best day of the year! you get presents, see family or friends, and get to drink hot chocolate with marshmallows, and eat candy canes and make ginger bread houses!
halloween! halloween is sooo much fun! i don’t care if you’re 17 or 12! you can always go out or steal candy from your siblings :P and you get to dress up too! i’m going as darth vader!
new years! new years is the best! we have a valid excuse to stay up past midnight! we can eat lots of food, drinks, and we get to count down and blow those air horn thingies and celebrate :)
thrifting! thrifting is my favourite thing to do! you can find so many cool things! maybe we can go look for a really good pair of jeans or a vintage top! let’s go!
trees. trees are pretty frigging cool. they give us clean air to breath, they’re tall and small and wide and thin. there’s cherry blossoms which are so pretty. there’s big pine trees, and maple trees!
bugs. bugs are so cool! there’s so many of them! there’s ants, and beetles, there’s worms, and flys, and fat little bumblebees who shouldn’t technically be able to fly?
chocolate! chocolate is super tasty. my favourite is 3 musketeers. we can go get some! we can eat them all in one night. i hope we don’t get sick lol!
dancin in the rain. dancing in the rain is so fulfilling. if you haven’t done it yet we have to do it!
babies! babies are so damn cute! they make weird noises, say funny things, and just look so cuddly and sweet!
taking photos! taking photos of everything? they don’t have to look good but they capture a memory so you can look back at it again and again!
minecraft :) i think this one explains itself
candles. they smell so good! i think my favourite one are the ones that smell like vanilla! OR cookies mhmmm!
drawing! there’s so many possibilities you can do when you’re drawing. it doesn’t even have to make sense my friend :) art comes in many forms and shapes. just allow your hand to go!
books! if you’re lazy like me! we can read books instead of make them! there’s A LOT to chose from! maybe a fiction book or maybe a cool non fiction on animals?
lightning during a thunderstorm. it’s so cool how they look!
travelling! we have to much to explore and see. monuments, mountains, houses!
because someone will miss you if you go.
to prove a point to anyone and everyone who brought you down, to anyone who told you you weren’t enough, you couldn’t do it. cause you can do it
sleepovers! we can have a sleepover! we can stay up late playing video games or watching tv shows! order pizza! have candy! and sleep in :)
because you are important. you are important. to me, to your friends, to people you haven’t met yet.
because you can save people who are going through what you’re going through. you can reach out, help them, and save them because you are able to relate and talk to them
you are not alone. i am here for you. they are here for you. your friends are here for you. your family is here for you. the elderly lady who lives across from you is here.
taking long hot showers after a long day.
buying new furniture! we can redecorate your room!
helping someone in need.
this teenagers subreddit
memory boxes. let’s go put together or go through your memory box :) you can tell me all the stories that each item is from!
sunsets! watching the world grow dark as everyone settles down. it’ll be warm. we can sit on the grass and watch it
sunrises! we can watch the world wake up as the sun rises!
road trips! oooo the places we can go snd the things we can do!
fires when camping! oh my favourite thing to do is poke the fire with a stick hehe
s’mores and camping! you get the tent, i’ll grab the bug spray. we can set it up in the backyard!
star gazing. let’s go somewhere nice and open. well lay a blanket down and look up at the stars and just stare. look at each star. i wonder what the planets around them are like?
you can change the world.
trampoline park!
bowling!
the arcade!!
the days where you look at your phone at 9pm and it’s at 89% because you spent the day off of it with your favourite people
watching cartoons! maybe adventure time? phineas and ferb? Pokémon? we can binge watch some of our favourite childhood shows :)
prom! imagine how cool it will be to go to prom? you’ll go with friends or someone special! and you’ll get all dressed up too!
meeting new people! there’s still so many people you can meet and see! let’s go meet them :)
fashion show! let’s try on some outfits and have a fashion show for our friends and/or family!
falling in love. it’s an amazing feeling
graduating. you made it! whether it was through college or high school or university! you did it :) i’m proud of you!
getting a haircut or trying a new hairstyle! :)
buying gifts for people and surprising them with it! i love peoples reactions when you get them something they like!
the smell of new cologne or perfume! i got a versace eros cologne! i’m super excited! what’s the cologne you’ve been wanting???
fresh baked cookies. the smell, the warmth the gooey chocolate! we also have to drink it with milk!
cooking food! cooking food is so fun! we can make stir fry, mac and cheese, or we can make chicken noodle soup!!!
buying/getting your first car! ooo the places we can go now!
landing your first job or that job you’ve really wanted!
your favourite sweater fresh out of the laundry.... oooooo it’s soo warm and smells sooo good!
finishing a book or tv show/starting one and realizing it’s your favourite! wanna watch stranger things?
cleaning your room and finding things you forgot you had. omg is that your DS?? we have to see what pokémon you have on that!
looking at photos of you, family, or whatever. see how much you’ve grown! awh look how cute you look in that!
going to a fair. we can play games and win prizes!
going to a pet store! we should go look at the fish!!!
annoying your family or siblings!
puzzles! i have a really cool 3D one! wanna help me put it together?
To show you never gave up. to show you fought through it all. you hung on, you didn’t stop. you kept going because you’re bada** and no one can stop you :)

there are millions of reasons to live. but those are some :)
i want you to go back and imagine them. read them over one at a time. close your eyes and think. see the picture in your head. and think of it and just hold onto it. hold onto it and keep going. you got this. i believe in you. we believe in you. and we’re here to help. i love you and please never stop fighting

Analyzing Tottenham Players' Shot Maps

This is somewhat of a Part 2 in what’s turning out to be a series of posts analyzing various aspects of Tottenham’s players and their attacking data. See my first post discussing xG and xA of players over the past 5 seasons here. In this post, I’ll be looking at a few players’ shot statistics, focusing mainly on shot location and other variables like which foot they use and their respective xG.
Tl;dr: Son is truly two-footed, and that is probably what makes him such a deadly finisher. Dele creates/has much better chances on his left foot than right foot but takes few shots with his left. Kane loves March 5th, but August seriously hates him.
THE DATA
I used a python script to gather a host of shot data from understat.com, a website that compiles a ton of information on leagues, teams, and players throughout the seasons. To save space, please refer to my original post about how I gathered data. I use the same method here. The data includes variables for every shot a player has taken in the leagues that Understat covers (Premier League, LaLiga, Bundesliga, Serie A, Ligue 1, Russian Premier League). I gathered shots for Harry Kane, Son Heung-Min, Erik Lamela, Lucas Moura, Steven Bergwijn, Dele Alli, Giovanni Lo Celso, Eric Dier, and Toby Alderweireld. I gathered the main shot-takers as well as Dier and Alderweireld, 2 of our defenders who join the attack and come up for corners. I only pulled the shots for players both here last season at minimum and still here this season, so players like Eriksen and Fernando Llorente’s Hip have been excluded.
The dataset only includes Premier League matches, so no Champions league (… or EuropaL…) shots are included. Finally, after pulling the data, I added in what team the player was on for each shot, as the raw data only includes home and away teams, without specifying exactly what team the shot is foagainst. While Kane’s only club covered in the sample is Tottenham, players like Lo Celso, Son, and Lucas have played for several teams. I then filtered out other teams to only include shots taken while playing for Spurs. This is partially because I’m a huge Spurs supporter and am curious about our shot statistics, and also because it’s good practice in statistics to control for any possible outside variables, like teammates on different teams that only a single player in the sample was receiving passes from.
Once I cleaned up the data, I imported it into Tableau for easy visualization and storytelling. I used JMP to perform some t-tests for analysis later on, which is basically checking to see if 2 means are statistically different from each other or if there’s not really a true difference between them.
The key variables in this analysis are the X and Y coordinates of the shots. Understat has assigned an X and Y number to every shot, which is where the player took the shot from on the pitch. Visualizing a football pitch, with the team attacking from left to right, with the attacking team’s goal line at x = 0, and the opposing team’s goal line at x = 1. The right-side touchline of the pitch is at y = 0, and the left-side touchline is at y = 1. So, the center spot is located at (0.5, 0.5), and the center of the goal you’re shooting on is at (1, 0.5). I hope that makes sense.
One limitation of the data is that the coordinates are on a square, but pitches are rectangles. This isn’t a major issue, but it means that a 0.1 change in X is not the same distance, in meters, as a 0.1 change in Y. Also important to note is the fact that almost all Premier League pitches have different dimensions, even if by just a few yards. To best reconcile this, I averaged out the distance from goal-line to goal-line (X axis) and from touchline to touchline (Y axis) of the 2019-20 grounds. I next calculated at what coordinates to add the 18-yard box and 6-yard box lines to. Since all grounds have the same dimensions for these boxes, that isn’t a major problem. In the visualizations, the 18-yard box is solid gray, and the 6-yard box is dashed gray. I limit the views to the attacking half of the pitch for easy comparison. Only a couple of Kane’s and one of Lucas’ shots are from their own half (all misses).
I validated shot locations by watching a number of Son, Kane, and Dele goals on footballia.net. I watched 5 each of their goals, noted the locations they shot from, and then located them in my sample. They were very accurate, so I have confidence enough in the (x,y) coordinates coding.
ANALYSIS
Please follow this link here to play around with this data yourself on Tableau Public. I can’t figure out how to embed a Tableau Viz into a Reddit post.
The image below shows the full sample—all Spurs shots for all players I downloaded. Naturally, this view doesn’t show much at all. We can see that there are many goals right in front of the net, and they all have high xG. And we can see that the further away from the goal you get, the fewer shots there are. One thing I like about this Viz is how few shots Spurs take on the right or left side of the 18-yard box. But one of these shots is also my favorite-ever goal, which I’ll get to later on.

All shots in the sample. Color is the result (goal, saved, etc.) and size of the circle is xG. I really want to know what the “bald patch” around (0.85, 0.6) is…
From here, we can filter down by various variables, such as player. First, let’s look at a few players’ shot maps. Again, head over to my Tableau post to see all of these graphics and ones I didn’t screenshot—they’re interactive too.

Kane's shot map

Son's shot map

Dele's shot map

Lamela's shot map

Dier's shot map

Alderweireld' shot map
I don’t know about you, but I love looking at these maps. I’ve added a lot of information to each data point on Tableau, such as date; the team it was against; whether it was from a free kick, open play, corner, etc.; and the player who delivered the last pass before the shot. You can also highlight only the Result of the shot.
Of course, just looking at a shot map blindly gives little insight. We need to dig a little deeper into the data. First, I looked at average shot location, starting with the y-axis. This will show us which side of the pitch a player tends to take shots from. Kane’s average shot location on the Y-axis (left/right side of the pitch) is 0.5052—almost perfectly in the middle, so he doesn’t favor one side or the other. And his median location is exactly 0.5000, which is legitimately creepy. Since Kane’s the only striker in the group, naturally Son, Dele, and Bergwijn shoot more from the left, while Lo Celso, Lamela, and Lucas shoot more from the right. Dier and Alderweireld shoot more from the right, which makes sense since Dier has was used a bit as a right-sided midfielder and occasionally as a right back when he joined, and Toby almost exclusively plays as the right-sided CB. Toby has an average shot closer to the right touchline than Dier, which could show how Dier has played a fair bit at left-sided CB and as a central holding midfielder.

Average Y-axis location for each player’s shots. Kane does not favor a side to strike from.
Next, I dug into each player’s shot data based on the foot they shot with. I looked at the average xG of every shot taken, the goal conversion rate (goals/total shots), and the total number of shots taken with each foot. This data, shown in the table below—coupled with shot locations—is the meat of my analysis.

Average xG for each shot by foot, goal%, and total shots taken for selected players.
This table is where I first saw something major in the data:
Dele needs to use his left foot much more often. His average xG for all left-foot shots is 0.2644, much greater than 0.1208 average with his right. In fact, this is statistically significant at the 95% level (t-test p-value of 0.0006), which means that there’s less than a 5% chance that this big of a difference is random. Basically, it’s almost a given that Dele will have a higher xG with left-foot shots than right (on average).
Further, Dele has a 14.71% conversion rate with his left, and 16.46% with his right. This is an insignificant difference (p-value of 0.7915) from 34 left-footed shots and 237 right, so we can conclude that Dele should take more shots with his left foot. It is probable that defenders know he favors his right, so his high left-foot xG could be due to him putting defenders off by shifting onto his left, giving himself a much better look at goal (I should note that Lamela, who is notorious for only using his left foot, does not exhibit this with right-foot shots. Dele’s left-foot xG are in fact crazy). Last, it is important to note that no other player in the sample had a statistically significant difference between left- and right-foot average xG—the quality of their chances is the same on their right- or left foot. This is something unique to Dele in this sample.
Next, let’s look at Son. Son is known for having no weak foot—and his shot data backs that up. Son’s average xG on left-foot shots is 0.1148, and it’s 0.1137 for right-foot. An insignificant difference of only 0.011! He also converts 16.37% of left-foot and 17.62% of right-foot shots, again insignificant. He uses whichever foot would be the best for the situation, and his shot map backs that up. Outside the box, he prefers his left foot on the right side of the pitch, and his right foot on the left side. This is good practice (unless you’re trivela-master Quaresma or Le Cut Inside Man), so you can bend it into the net out of the keeper’s reach. Inside the box, Son tends to use his right foot on the right side, and left foot on the left side. Again, this is good practice because you can typically get a much better shot off when you’re running at the goal by using the foot of the side of net you’re on (right foot for right side of goal, and vice versa).
Since we discussed Dele’s right vs left xG and how Son chooses the best foot for the situation he’s in, let’s dive further into Dele, Son, Kane, and Lamela’s use of their feet. These are—or in Dele’s current form, were—some of Spurs’ main attackers of the past 5 seasons or so (who are still here). We know Son uses the best foot for the situation. We can further see that that is in fact the case when we add a trend line to his right- and left-foot shot maps. On his right-foot shot map, we see a “negative” trend (slope = -0.69 nice), which is what we want to see, given that outside the box you typically want to use your right foot on the left side of the pitch, and closer inside the box you want to use your right foot on the right side of the pitch. Lamela has a very similar trend (slope = -0.91). Kane has a less pronounced trend than Son and Lamela, but still a distinct shape (slope = -0.38). Dele’s line, however, is relatively flat (slope = -0.12). So, while he exhibits this trend, you can see how he’s using his right foot in many scenarios where he might be better served using his left.

Shot map and trend line for Right Foot shots
Looking now at left-foot shot maps, we want to see a “positive” trend line, a mirror of the right-foot map. Son, as we would expect from the ambipedal maestro, exhibits this perfectly (slope = 1.18). Kane’s is again a solid trend (slope = 0.55), yet not as pronounced as Son’s; same with Lamela (slope = 0.29). Now look at Dele’s… It is actually the exact opposite from what we might “want” to see. The slope here (slope = -0.35) is strangely greater than his right-foot trend line. I want to walk you through my thought process regarding this data:

Shot map and trend line for Left Foot shots
First, it appeared that Dele should take many of these shots with his right foot, and I figured maybe this is the reason he’s been under-performing of late. However, he is a fundamentally different player than Kane and Son, so his shots from close to the net on the right aren’t usually coming from him running at the keepedefenders, but from being cute and technical from a stopped position in a somewhat-crowded box. From watching him the last few years, he tends to try a few movements in the box to shift his body or open his hips for a pass or shot. Finally, I realized that maybe this explains his abnormal xG with left-foot vs right-foot shots…
No matter the scenario, being relatively close to the goal on the right side of the pitch would lead a defender to expect you to either recycle possession or use your right foot to shoot/cross across the face of goal. If Dele shifts it onto his left foot to have a shot (which the defender may not expect since Dele favors his right foot), this could lead to a higher xG shot than a right-foot shot, where the defender could close the angle easily. I’ve noticed that Dele likes to open his hips for a quick pass/shot fairly often, so this would be a perfect opportunity to do so—even if he’s running at the keeper he likes to open up his hips and try to slot it far post.
I welcome any comments/discussion on this aspect of Dele’s analysis. I found it very interesting that his left-foot shot map goes against what we “should” see. For further validation, we can compare Lamela’s trend lines (since he and Dele play somewhat similar roles and are both very one-footed). As we saw above, Lamela’s trends follow Son and Kane, so Dele truly is an anomaly with his left foot. Dele if you’re reading this… take more shots with your left foot!!! Somehow your left foot shots are crazy better than your right. Get back to your best, you’ve got this!
Now let’s look at Kane in August. Until August 18, 2018, Kane hadn’t scored in the month. Before that day, he had taken 46 shots in August for a combined total of 4.52 xG. And looking at his shot map for these 46 shots, it’s not that he’s taking bad strikes. He has several very high xG shots that were saved or hit the post. Kane truly does not perform well in August. The following table shows all players’ goals, total xG, and number of shots taken in August before Kane scored. Excluding Lucas, who only had one shot, every other player in the sample had scored. In fact, they were all outperforming their xG. August is Kane’s Bane.

Kane’s shot map for the month of August. You can see all the non-goals. August hates him.

Table showing all goals, total xG, and shots taken in August before the game Kane scored in.
Let’s move on past attackers to defenders now. Alderweireld has taken 19 shots on the right side of the pitch behind the 18-yard box; more than anywhere else except the middle of the 18-Yard Box around the penalty spot (which is expected since he comes up for corners). This shows how he pushes up from right-sided CB and has a crack from distance fairly regularly. Not a new insight, but cool to see. Dier has a similar spread of shots on both the right and left side of the pitch, but most of his shots from the right side outside the box are from 2014 to 2016, when he typically played as a right back, right-sided CB, and right-sided mid.
Lo Celso, Lucas, and Bergwijn have nothing extremely interesting to call out in detail, but here are a few things I found interesting. First, even though Lucas plays mainly on the right or as main striker, his shot map is almost symmetric. This shows how much he buzzes around the pitch, even when coming in from the right. Second, I thought it was interesting that Lo Celso has only taken two shots with his right foot so far. Both were low xG, and the keeper saved both. Those Argentinians legit have a thing against right feet. Finally, I was surprised to see how few shots Bergwijn has taken in the Prem. I must have rose-tinted glasses on, because I could’ve sworn he had taken over 11 shots. However, he has scored 3/11, a remarkable 27% goal-shot percent. That number is even better when looking at shots on target: 3 goals from 8 shots on target. I bet we see that W celebration more.
And finally, all (pseudo-) research includes future research suggestions. I would love to add the entire squad and look at more temporal view of the team—analyzing shot maps across seasons. I also want to look at the last year of Poch’s reign and the first year of Mourinho’s. Since a lot of the key players are still on the team for that span, we can look at the differences between the two managers. However, we should probably look at a random 1-year span of each manager, since managers tend to get sacked for a reason. Last, we could dive further into individual players across time, to see how they develop, and maybe even compare in-form shot maps to out-of-form ones to see if they are unlucky given the xG of their shots or maybe if they’re taking worse shots from bad positions.
In conclusion, Spurs took shots, and I put them in Tableau to find fun stuff.
INTERESTING TIDBITS AND GOALS
I’ve added a few sheets at the end of the Tableau Viz that highlight some interesting/fun/banger goals.
Harry Kane has only ever played on March 5th twice, in 2016 and 2017. But he’s scored absolute BANGERS in both games. One beautiful goal against Arsenal from a crazy angle where he celebrated by sprinting faster than ever and ripping off his facemask (still brings me tears of joy… so much pashun), and one absolute show of strength against Everton, where he holds off defenders before belting the ball from deep past the keeper. The next time March 5th falls on a weekend is 2022 and again in 2023. I’ll be calling up the FA to make sure they schedule Spurs to play Saturday 3/5/2022 and Sunday 3/5/2023.
I also call out Kane’s infamous “claimed” goal vs Stoke. This had a high xG of 0.4587, so if it was an Eriksen goal, it would’ve had a much lower xG…… I’m sure Kane’s daughter is happy.
Vertonghen claimed the world’s second-best assist (behind Tommy Carroll’s assist to Bale) for Son’s Burnley goal. Son’s furthest goal also is fun to see at 0.0147 xG.
Dele’s insane flick-turn-volley against Palace gets a nice mention, as does Dier’s first-ever shot in a Spurs shirt: a stoppage time winner away at West Ham on his debut. Dude’s been oozing Big Dick Dier energy since day 1 at Spurs.

Sorry for how long this is, it kept getting longer and longer. Thanks to all who made it through!
Edited to correct broken links

A PLAYLIST TO KILL TO

THE MAN FROM AUGUST RIDGE
The Man from August Ridge
Lives across the O’Neil Bridge
He only comes out at night
To kill one by dawn's early light
They say he wields a mighty ax
And stands six-foot-four
Or so goes the lore
Never seek out his house
Deep in the O’Neil forest of oaks
and pines
He likes to hunt you from above the
trees and is as quiet as a church
mouse
He will have you in one of his metal
traps before your cooked jaws flap
Your screams are in his favorite
daydreams
He treasures each and every one
Because when your blood is spilled
that is when his fun has truly begun
He’s always been rather odd
cut you up and eat you alive
While he has you sing to him
He never misses dinner and a show
He collects your favorite songs
And adds them to his playlist
To listen to after
So if you find yourself lost and fate
had not been very kind to meet
The man from August Ridge
Best you can do is hope death comes
fast as a meteorite while he devours
You in every last bite
I stood in the school hallway after my last period looking up at the poster of Phoebe Grant. She had been missing for over a week, and most of us figured she had run away. Most of the stoner kids I knew were like that. They were the school drifters in and out a lot, and a lot of them had names, but no one remembered them.
Phoebe Grant was a name we now remembered because of all the posters decorated the school hallways and lockers. There was even a vigil held a week ago for her. Kyle came up behind me, knocking the wind out of me.
“Hey, we are still going to the O’neil bridge tonight and look for some local legends like the Man from August Ridge?”
“Yeah, I’m game if you are.”
“Awesome, I’ll bring the camera so we can take some footage for the Senior class YouTube video.”
Casey Culman came over and kissed Kyle on the cheek. “Hey, babe!” she gleefully chimed in my ears like a bullet.
I rolled my eyes. Kyle was the living embodiment of the guy who had everything, including the prettiest girl in school, my crush, Casey, among other things. I would have done anything to be Kyle for a day back then.
“So we are going to scope out the O’Neil woods tonight? I let Matt and Mackenzie know. I am so excited!” she squealed, and I looked questioningly at Kyle, who smiled shrugging.
I had thought it was just going to be a quick video making trip so I could finish our version of the Senior Class movie to play at graduation. Instead, it was double date night and me the fifth wheel.
“Hey, tell Alex to come so it won’t be weird,” Kyle said empathetically.
“Sure.” I nodded.
My other best friend, Alex, was also girlfriendless; the only difference was he wasn’t into girls.
We didn’t go straight to the O’Neil woods. To kill time, we stopped at the local bar in town called the Grotto with our fake IDs and got in to see some band. Alex was by the stage when the band started playing. The lead singer was one of those guys that tried too hard to be Chris Cornell but failed at it miserably. Not to mention, there was only one. There were a few other local bands I wanted to see to kill time, but that all stopped abruptly.
“Your band sucks!” Alex yelled, who had already had a few beers before he left his house.
“Alex, man stop,” I said, patting his shoulder.
Instead of listening to me, he only laughed. “I know music, and this Dude sucks!”
The band abruptly stopped playing. “Look here, you little shit, if you don’t like it get the hell out!”
A few people from the audience cheered.
Alex looked back at the crowd. “I could do a better job at your song than you. Go back to the costume store where you got that shitty outfit and find something better suited like a clown costume.”
Kyle saw the commotion and then joined me in trying to get Alex to shut up. “What is your deal, man?”
“This guy is a poser. I hate posers.”
“Maybe you should learn to control your friend, buddy.” the lead singer yelled.
“Shut up man; we got it!” Kyle yelled.
Alex shot up his middle finger, and the guy lunged towards Alex tripping over the microphone chord and hitting his chin on the corner of the stage head first.
Alex, being the typical dick he was, clapped. “Best performance, you did all night!”
The audience began to clap too, all laughing at the incident. Some had out their phones making videos of it.
We dragged Alex out of the building, but not before the now, furious lead singer yelled back at Alex. “You guys messed with the wrong son of a bitch!”
We left before we could see any of the other bands we had come to mind.
We piled into two cars shortly after midnight and drove down past the park and through a long half paved road towards the old rundown barn in the center of O’Neil woods. The only light came from our two vehicles, and we kept on driving deeper into the old O’Neil farmstead. Finally, we went to the rundown shack and the old red barn. It was amazingly intact for something so old. I got out of my car first and then walked towards Casey and Kyle, who were kissing in the front seat of the vehicle while Pearl Jam’s cover of “Last Kiss” played in the background.
I wrinkled my nose at them. Did either one of them even know what the song was about?
“Hey, you two lovebirds want to get out and start this thing?” I tried to sound light.
Behind me was Alex standing with Mackenzie and Matt.
“Yeah, let’s go see some haunted barn action. I was thinking of doing some photography for my portfolio.” Alex said, walking around, looking at the property.
“Gross, there are probably ticks out here,” Mackenzie said, caressing her long blonde ponytail. “Did you guys remember to bring any Off?”
Casey got out of the car then shaking her head at Mackenzie.
“No, but I have somebody spray. She handed her something in a bottle.”
“That’s okay. If I ever want to learn to be a model on the cover of Vogue, I have to learn to be comfortable in outdoor locations, right?”
Casey giggled.
We all began to follow Alex towards the barn looking around. Kyle began to film on his digital camera, and then we halted. There was a light coming from one of the shacks near the barn. We all stopped talking and just looked at one another.
“What is it?” Mackenzie asked
“A light obviously,” Alex said, walking towards it. “Anyone want to follow me or stay there?”
Casey walked on and then nearly fell over. She had stumbled upon something in the grass.
Picking up the object, it was a cassette tape. “Music to kill people to.”
“Creepy,” Mackenzie said, shivering.
I wasn’t so convinced, grabbing the cassette. “People like to come out here and do weird stuff because of the Legend of the Man from August Ridge.”
“Come on, you idiots!” Alex was yelling.
We followed him towards the shack. I expected to see someone camping out there for the night, but when we got closer, something did not feel right.
There was a smell that I couldn’t place, but it made me nauseous, and I nearly got sick. Alex covered his mouth and then opened the old door to the shack. Mackenzie came up behind him and then let out a scream.
The song “Doll Parts” by Hole was playing on an old cd player. There were white, and pastel pink candles lit all around the small room. They had been lit for a long while because they were melting all around. There were photos of toys and dolls on the walls of the shack and rotten cupcakes with flies still on them. There were hooks and giant clothespins on the table as well and coagulated blood on the walls. Pieces of heavy-duty thread lay around the floor. But in the center was the most terrifying thing of all. Something I will never get out of my mind.
The smell was from the rotting flesh in the center of the room. A body was rotting inside it. There was no mistaking the scent or the now blue and bloated pieces of flesh that seemed to be hanging from purposely placed wires. The arms and legs were not connected to the torso in front of us. Instead, they had been cut off and sewn back together with large black utility thread. They hung from wires over the body, which hung in the middle of the room. The legs had also been severed and sewn into place and hung in a sitting position while the torso and arms floated above it separately. The body had on ruffled underwear and a pink teddy. I could tell that the form in front of me was no wax artistic rendering for shock; it was a real body. However, I could not place who it was because the face had been covered in a mask that looked like a doll baby.
I had tears in my eyes and had drowned out the screams from the others who were trying to get me out of there as fast as I could. My hand wavered over the unseen face and lifted the mask. Then it let out a heavy breath, and I knew the person whose severed limbs hanging in front of me was alive!
I gulped it was Phoebe Grant, the girl who had been missing over a week, whose torso was now in front of us.
“Please… help me,” she whispered, barely aware that she was alive or that we were there.
I was unsure how to in my panic, and if I moved her torso, would she fall victim to more injury?
“Holy shit, we need to get out of here!” Alex was frantically screaming in a cracked voice.
The sound of the screams from my friends now carried weight with me, and I knew I had to get out of here. I also couldn’t let this poor creature in front of me die.
Then I saw a shadow. It loomed from behind Phoebe, and suddenly she gargled blood, and her head fell backward. A man rose from behind her. How he got there, I had no idea. He was here now and holding a large instrument that I could not see. I only saw it poke through her neck in front of me.
I knew Phoebe was dead, and I wasted no more time trying to figure out who her assailant was.
We ran towards our cars as though we were on the high school sprint team. Soon Kyle was speeding out of the road, and I struggled to find my grip on the steering wheel.
I didn’t see the man again. He seemed to have all but disappeared.
I sped out of the muddy road following Kyle, all the while trying to grasp what had just happened. It seemed as though fate had other ideas. Kyle swerved to the right, and then before I could comprehend one horror, I was witnessing another. Kyle and Casey’s car went over the road and down into the valley. I stopped the vehicle abruptly, and the other four of us got out of the car running towards the car. Casey was okay. She was just passed out by Kyle.
Kyle’s head was in between the glass that had shattered his truck’s windshield. Glass lay around the seat, and Alex was already screaming for the 911 operator to get there.
I looked up at the road where there was a little streetlight, and a man stood watching us. I could not see his face from the shadows. I watched him standing silently, watching us. He remained motionless as though he were studying our every frame, movement, and voices.
I looked away for a moment as an ambulance and three cop cars came speeding up the road.
When I looked back, he was gone.
############################
“We gather here today to say our goodbyes to one of our town’s favorite football players. But Kyle Thomas was more than that. He was my best friend. When I moved here from San Francisco three years ago, I didn’t have anyone. I had a bad attitude, no friends, and just the thought of how much I hated Ohio. Kyle was the first friend I ever made. He was popular, smart, and had loads of girls that liked him. Kyle was also a guy with a big heart. He reached out to me after my first day at school to see if I was okay. We ended up having a lot in common for a guy who was captain of the football team, and me, a guy who’s favorite band was the Cure. For that, I’ll never forget him. When that car went off the bridge, our entire lives changed forever. I just feel lucky we were a part of each other’s lives, even if it was a short time.” I wiped tears from my eyes and forgot the fact people were staring at me.
I sat down in my seat, and a hand tapped me on the shoulder. It was Casey Culman, the girl that I had liked since I first moved to Medina. She was also Kyle’s girlfriend. I smiled and tried not to think about the fact my competition was gone. It didn’t feel right thinking of my feelings for her even as Kyle’s coffin lay a few feet in front of me.
“Great speech, Jude.” she smiled at me, giving me an empathetic smile I had grown used in the last week since Kyle’s death. She still had a bandage over her eyebrow from the accident and was sporting a pink cast around her arm. The crowd at the funeral stared at us. I knew they suspected us over Phoebe Grant’s death. I think they thought we were some sort of Man from August Ridge Cult and that we had hurt Phoebe. It made me sick to think of anyone doing that to anyone, even someone I considered a stranger.
I half grinned at her as she approached the pulpit to speak. The wind blew her red hair, and it caught the sun as she read her thoughts to us all about Kyle Thomas. When the funeral was over, I walked by myself to Kyle’s parent’s house, where everyone was meeting for refreshments. I didn’t want to go, but in the back of my mind, I knew it would look suspicious if none of us went. There were six of us, emphasizing the past tense, with Kyle went that left five just me, Casey, Mackenzie, Alex, and Matt. When I got to Kyle’s house, the other five were already there. Alex was vaping some kind of Cappucino flavored vape pen. It smelled awful and, in a way, comforting. I needed normal now more than ever.
“Hey,” he said, standing up and tossing his long hair out of his eyes.
“Where is everyone?”
“Inside,” he nodded towards the door. “With all their accusatory eyeballs.”
“You ready for this?” I asked him, thinking of how things had been in the last week since Kyle died.
“No, but after today maybe we can try and get our lives back to normal,” he said agitatedly.
I knew he was right.
I went inside and saw MacKenzie standing with Casey holding her hand as tears streamed down Casey’s face. Bryan was eating wings as though he had no care in the world, and Matt was talking to Kyle’s mom. When I went in, I saw each of them look in my direction as though they knew something I didn’t.
I took a deep breath and walked towards Kyle’s mom.
I got a hug from her and a lecture about how there was so much food she was counting on us kids to eat the food. I could tell she was trying to be okay. As okay as you could be with your only child dead. I made my rounds pretending to be interested in the food and drinks, but I was too sick to eat, and I stole a bottle of whiskey from the liquor cabinet and went outside into the back yard.
I hid by one of the large oak trees and tried to get a hold of myself. Then Alex and Matt came outside. Matt had on his letterman jacket over his nice shirt and tie.
“Well, now what? Do you think he will come looking for us after what we saw?” Matt asked.
“Why am I suddenly an expert?” I was suddenly resenting my friends who were eyeing me suspiciously.
“You know what we saw up on August Ridge. You know who I should say*.”* Matt said, turning a shade whiter at the thought.
“I wasn’t the Man from August Ridge. It was some sicko copying the legend,” I said.
“You don’t know that,” said Alex grabbing the bottle of whiskey from my hand and taking a swig coughing as it some of it didn’t go down right.
“Well, so far, everything is okay,” I said, sarcastically grabbing back the bottle.
“It better be. What is the point of any of this? Why did this happen?” Matt asked
“Sometimes bad things happen to good people,” I said suddenly, wanting to be as far away from anyone as humanly possible.
I stood up bored with the pretending to grieve when I wanted to find the killer that had murdered my friend.
“Where are you going?” Alex asked me his silvery-blue eyes pierced through me.
“Home,” I said, leaving.
I walked back through the house and stopped. Standing in front of me was the lead singer of that band Alex had booed off the stage. What the hell was he doing here? Then I saw him turn and look at me and smiling to nod sympathetically. He was with an older man, and they were both talking to Kyle’s mom. I nudged past them all and left, leaving the screendoor flapping in the wind behind me.
I walked in the direction of my house and thought of my mother. She’d be gone when I got home. She worked long hours at the printing factory in town. We had moved back to her home in Medina, Ohio, after my dad and she divorced. I walked through the town square past the Ritzman pharmacy and tried to take my mind off everything. It was quiet, almost too soft. There was always something about a town full of people inside their houses, and you were the lone wolf on the street or sidewalk.
When I got home, mail was sticking out of the mailbox. I grabbed it, but it wouldn’t budge. Something was blocking it from moving out of the small mailbox. When I finally got it out, there was a box inside with my name on it.
I opened it up, feeling a sickening feeling in my stomach as I held the item from the box. It was like something you would see in a movie. Strange packages arriving was never a good thing. I pulled it out, realizing it was a cd with crude writing that said 6.
I didn’t know what the number meant, but I opened the cd and loaded it into my computer. It was a video of the same lyric from the song “Polly” by Nirvana. On the screen were the same lyrics blinking across the screen: “Cut yourself want some help? Cut yourself want some help…” and over again, it repeated.
At the end of the video was an image of someone slicing their wrists. The person you could not see was cutting them repeatedly in a repetitive motion while a shadow loomed in the background. I thought it was weird and I wasn’t sure if it was related to anything. That sickening part in my stomach told me that it had everything to do with what we saw in those woods.
I knew my Nirvana tracks pretty well and realized that it was the sixth track off of Nevermind. Was the six on the cd for the sixth track? Until now, I never gave music much thought it was something you listened to, to feel better. Music was an emotional thing to me, and right now, I wanted no sound to come out of my computer. I shut off the cd and took it out to look at it.
Then I saw the X and the O’s and the brand logo at the bottom of the cd cover. “Dead Nails in the Heart.”
I could not figure out for the life of me what it was for until that moment. Then I saw a note.
You thought you were golden. You will see how much you shine soon.
I put the cd back in the case. There was only one person that I could see trying to taunt my friends and me if they were. Maybe it was the guy from the band after he heard what happened. I wanted to accept it was a joke and that it had been one all along. Maybe this was just a bad dream, I told myself.
I lay in my bed, staring up at the ceiling until I was soon fast asleep.
I woke to a phone call from an unknown number.
“Hello?”
“Jude! Something is wrong with MacKenzie.” I recognized Casey’s voice.
“How would you know if there was anything wrong with her?” I asked, almost annoyed.
“She isn’t answering her phone.”
“Maybe she is with Matt.”
“I already checked with him.”
“Okay, well, maybe they are doing something private if you know what I mean,” I said, sitting up in my bed.
“I don’t think it’s that because when Mackenzie got home, she called me in a panic. She had this weird envelope on her front doorstep. I had one too.”
I got off my bed. “Was it a cd by chance?”
“Yes. It had these weird numbers on it. It looked like they were written in blood. It freaked us out. We were going to go to the cops, but then I figured we should all go together.”
“I got one too. Have you talked to Alex? Do you know if he got one too?”
“No, Mackenzie was calling Matt to ask him, but that was hours ago, and I’m really worried.”
“Okay, I’ll come over. I’m calling Alex now.”
I picked up Alex on the way over who was none too happy to share the CD he had unboxed with me.
“It was a song called “Death by Rock N Roll” by The Pretty Reckless. I bet it was that creep. I saw him at Kyle’s wake. He came with his uncle or some shit.”
“Do you know his name?”
“They call him Spazz but not sure about his real name. He’s just using Kyle’s death to get back at us because we pissed him off that night at the Grotto.”
I drove on without saying anything. We got to Casey’s house, but the first thing I noticed was that the lights were off when they should have been turned on.
Alex looked at me, and I back at him; there was fear in them. I got out of my car with Alex following, and we walked up the porch of Casey’s house. I knocked lightly and then texted her to let her know we were there.
I knocked on the door again, this time harder. I finally could take the suspense no more, and we entered. There was no one home.
“Thought she just called you?” Alex whispered there was irritation in his voice.
“I did it! Come on. Maybe she is in her room.”
She was.
“Casey? Hey, we are here.”
Above her bed was a giant Lana Del Rey poster that Kyle had bought her at the show in Columbus a few years ago. Her bed had white teddy bears, and flowers from Kyle’s funeral strung about the bed.
Facing away from us was Casey sitting at her desk. Her head was leaning back in her big Gamer’s chair. In front of Casey, her laptop wide open. There was a song playing. All I could hear was “writing blood on my walls and shit.”
A number was flashing on the computer screen two, two, two, and the song playing was “Heroin” by Lana Del Rey. Casey’s wide-eyed expression told me she was no longer part of the living. Casey was staring at the ceiling above us with a flower crown on her head in the typical festival and “Lana” fashion with what appeared to be heroin needles sticking into her forehead like a crown of thorns.
“Casey, did you get a hold of -” Alex stopped talking.
Casey was dead. I looked back at the screen and the computer shut off. Behind us, we could see a reflection of a man. I turned as my heart leaped out of my chest to see that the man was gone. It was as though he was a phantom. There one second and gone the next second.
Alex and I were out of the house as fast as we could be, and I was on the phone with authorities.
Police wasted no time in arriving, but now I was more concerned with where Matt and Mackenzie were tonight. We didn’t stick around. We left before the cops arrived.
We took off down the road and sped toward Matt’s house.
When I got to Matt’s house, I found him in his backyard laying by his pool with Mackenzie fast asleep on his chest.
“Guys!” Alex screamed.
“Casey is, um,”
Mackenzie was already crying before I could get the words out.
“I’m next.” Mackenzie started to cry uncontrollably.
“No! Don’t say that. We will figure this out.”
“I’m going to kill that bastard if he comes near Kenzie and me.” Matt spouted.
“There has to be a way to get to him before he gets to us.”
“Yeah, if we knew who he was,” Mackenzie exclaimed desperately.
Alex looked at them and then back at me. “I’m going to kill that guy tonight.”
“What song did you get?” I asked her.
“Pictures of you by the Cure. There was this number three flashing on the screen too. I know that means I’m number three. First, Kyle, then Casey, and now me. What is he going to do to me?” Mackenzie was too emotional to speak.
Alex broke the mood, “What about you, Matt?”
“Man in the Box, Alice in Chains.”
“Nice. At least none of us got Justin Beiber. Our killer has good taste in music.”
Even Matt and I had to laugh to cut the mood.
“Unfortunately, I’m last,” I said, looking at them.
There was a call that came in on my cellphone then.
It was from an unknown number.
When I answered it, it was a facetime call. The person on the other end of the call was someone whose back was facing away from us in a chair bound and gagged. I looked at the others.
“Where is this?”
Whoever was holding the phone panned out so we could see the name of the printing building where my mom worked. My heart sunk.
“Don’t touch my mom!” I screamed angrily into the phone.
I started towards the car.
“Don’t go wait up, Jude!” Matt yelled.
The three of them fearfully piled in my car, and we headed over to the printing company my mom worked. When we got there, it was locked, but there was a back entrance that I knew my mom would go in sometimes if she were running late for work because the locks were not set to an alarm.
We entered, and I could hear the sound of Brown Eyed Girl playing in the background.
My mom had brown eyes, and all I could think was the bastard was cutting them out of her eye sockets or something. I ran in and grabbed a shovel from the warehouse to defend myself.
There was no one around. I followed the hallways towards the breakroom, where it looked like he had been keeping the person tied up. When we got there, there was no one there anymore.
Alex, Matt, and Mackenzie were all three behind me. However, when I turned around, only Alex and Matt were there.
“Where is MacKenzie?”
Matt freaked out and started screaming for Mackenzie.
We did not find her right away.
We went down the corridor to the room that printed signs. My heart was beating out of my chest before I even got to the printing room.
Alex and I saw her first. A man stood over her, taking photos of her as he slid her head under the cutting and creasing machine used in manufacturing advertisements. The light from the man’s camera kept going off like a strobe light in the dark, causing my eyes to dim. I ran towards him with my shovel and hit him over the back of the head with it. The man fell to the ground. It appeared I had knocked him out for the time being, and a rush of relief went through me.
Alex and Matt tried, unsuccessfully, to save Mackenzie from the powerful machine that had already done so much damage. Mackenzie was tangled inside the machine. Her once blonde hair was now the color of crimson from the blood.
We were so busy trying to save MacKenzie that I looked over towards the machine, and where the man was seconds ago, he was now gone.
The lights went completely out.
I heard Alex scream, and then the lights went back on.
Matt and I stood looking at one another.
“No, I should be next!” Mat was screaming.
“We have to find Alex.”
We heard car wheels spinning out of control. I ran outside and could see a black van exiting the parking lot, and we got inside my car following behind as quickly as I could get my car to go.
We followed the van through the streets and ran every light. Luckily, there was no traffic on the road. We kept going even when he got on the highway. We followed all the while Matt was crying and hitting the dashboard.
“This is my fault; I should have saved her. How did I take my eyes off of her for even a second?”
I looked ahead with one goal in my mind. Destroy whoever this was.
I saw the driver pulling over and exiting the highway.
I continued to follow the van. The driver pulled down a dirt road and then stopped turning the van off. Matt and I sat and looked at each other.
We waited for the driver to exit. Instead, he remained inside.
I could take it no longer. I just looked at Matt. “Screw this; let’s go.”
“Wait, this could be a trap!” Matt said to me, but I didn’t hear it. I was on my way towards the van with a vengeance.
Then as almost on cue, both van doors opened up. Our assailant was not acting alone. I saw someone rush at me and grab me, and then I felt something go inside my neck as I passed out.
When I woke, I realized I was in a rundown house. I was tied to a dinner table and stripped down to my underwear. I looked around the room and realized I was alone.
Where were Alex and Matt?
It was just me, or so I thought.
I heard a voice then.
“How did you like my playlist?”
The room was empty except for the voice on an intercom.
“What?” where was this son of a bitch?
“I like this one very much. You made it so easy for us.”
“Who is us? Where are my friends?”
“I have the best for last.”
I heard the sound of a rock guitar spiraling, and I recognized it as the solo beginning performed by “Slash” on the song Anastasia.
“Beautiful, isn’t it? I find killing people to music enhances my art.” said the baritone voice.
“Who are you?” I asked stupidly.
“Why I am the man from August Ridge. Unfortunately, I had to enlist some help. Don’t worry, I always work alone, but you were already supposed to be alone.”
“What did I do?”
“You liked what you saw, didn’t you?”
“What?”
“That girl was so beautiful, but so deeply tortured. Phoebe, the doll I created. Jude, you thought my art was clever, didn’t you? You just had to touch her.”
“No, you’re sick. Let me go please.” flood gates began to open, and tears fell from my face. I was sure I was going to die.
“Let me show you my instruments.”
A hole opened up in the ceiling and dropped Alex to the ground next to me.
I tried to look at him, but I already knew he was dead. His body crumbled like a sack of potatoes in front of me. He had at least seventy broken cd’s sticking out of his eyes, cheeks, chest, arms, and legs.
Tears fell again, and I felt defeated. How was I ever going to get out of here?
Then I saw a figure at the foot of the old dinner table I was lying. When I got a closer look, I realized it was Spazz, the kid from that band.
“We are going to eat you now.”
“Not so fast, Spazz.” said the voice.
Spazz was sitting at the table with a large meat saw and a savage look in his eyes.
Then something unexpected happened. I looked up and then saw Spazz lean over as blood came from his mouth.
Matt was holding an ax and was now untying me from the table. I shot up, and we nearly made it to the door before the Alice and Chains music started. A steel set of spikes hit from beneath our feet, cutting Matt almost in half. His life was taken in front of my eyes.
All of my friends were now dead, except me.
Then I lost consciousness again.
This time I woke up in the hospital. An older, distinguished man was sitting in front of me. He wore a black silk suit and had dark brown hair. He was a fine-looking specimen by anyone who would take notice of him. He sat across from me, eating something that looked like steak.
What happened to me? I went to speak, but it hurt to move.
“Wouldn’t do that if I were you.” it sounded like that same voice.
I couldn’t breathe any more; this was becoming a nightmare I could not escape.
"I didn’t kill you, but you may notice some bruising and some other changes," He said, smiling. "I’m sure we will meet again." He said, wiping his mouth and placing what looked like a cow tongue on my hospital table. I wrinkled my nose up at him, and then I sat up, still fuming but unable to speak.
“Oh, and Jude, I left you a parting gift. Until we meet again.” He smiled and walked out.
I grabbed my hospital chart to see what the bastard had done to me.
It was then I realized he cut out my tongue. Even worse still, the monster ate it.
If I could have been sick, I would have been.
A few days later, my mother took me home. She was struggling to get back to normal after everything that her son had gone through. They were still looking for the man who assaulted me. I tried to describe him by writing it all down for them, but they never found him.
The following day after I arrived home from the hospital, I received a box. When I opened it, there was a lot of wrapping inside. The first thing that caught my eyes was the photos of a homemade cd.
My stomach churned. I opened it up, and inside was a cd with the title “Playlist to kill people to.”
The tracklisting was as follows:
Last kiss - Pearl Jam
Heroin- Lana Del Rey
Pictures of You- The Cure
Man in the Box- Alice in Chains
Death by Rock N Roll- Pretty Reckless
Polly-Nirvana
BONUS TRACK: SHUT UP by The Black Eyed Peas and smiley face next to that one I guessed was his tongue in cheek, no pun intended way of saying he shut me up.
There were pictures of all the deaths on the cover of the cd. At the bottom, he had signed it with multiple X’s and O’s and, also, said Luv the Man from August Ridge.
That wasn’t the only thing. Much to my added trauma inside the box was something much more gruesome than all of that.
Matt’s head was in wax at the bottom of the large box with a bow around it.
KB HURST

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Printable Super Bowl Squares - 100 Square Grid Office Pool

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Football Squares?? Haven't been able to find a sub, but I was asked to join (bet money) but I have no idea what the hell is going on... This is the current board.

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