Welcome to Lost in the Sauce, keeping you caught up on political and legal news that often gets buried in distractions and theater… or a global health crisis.
Figuring out how to divide the COVID-19 content from the “regular” news has been difficult because the pandemic is influencing all aspects of life. Some of the stories below involve the virus, but I chose to include them when it fits into one of the pre-established categories (like congress or immigration). The coronavirus-central post will be made again this Thursday-Friday; the sign up form now has an option to choose to receive an email when the coronavirus-focused roundup is posted.
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Let’s dig in!

MAIN COURSE

Congress passes stimulus

Last week started out with a Republican-crafted stimulus bill that was twice-blocked by Senate Democrats, who objected to the lax conditions of aid to corporations, too little funding for hospitals, and a $500 billion “slush fund” for big companies to be doled out by Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin with no oversight.
Conservative-Democrat Joe Manchin (WV) even criticized the GOP bill:

“It fails our first responders, nurses, private physicians and all healthcare professionals. ... It fails our workers. It fails our small businesses… Instead, it is focused on providing billions of dollars to Wall Street and misses the mark on helping the West Virginians that have lost their jobs through no fault of their own.”

Through negotiations, Democrats shifted the bill in a more-worker friendly direction. The version that passed includes the following Democrat-added provisions: expanded unemployment benefits, $100 billion for hospitals, $150 billion for state and local governments, direct payments to Americans without a phase-in (ensuring low-income workers get the full amount), a ban on Trump and his children from receiving aid, and oversight on the “slush fund” (see next section for more info). Senate Democrats also managed to remove a provision that would have excluded nonprofits that receive Medicaid funding from the small-business grants.

• Further reading: After Senate Democrats blocked the Republican-crafted bill, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi led the House Democrats in releasing their own version, a best-case scenario of their dream coronavirus stimulus bill. It is interesting to contrast what the Democrats prioritized to what the Republicans focused on: “How the House Democrats' stimulus plan compares to the Senate's”

Echoing sentiments expressed during debate on the previous coronavirus bill (the second, for those keeping track), Republican senators derided the $600 a week increase in unemployment payments as “incentivizing” workers to quit their jobs. Sens. Ben Sasse (Neb.), Rick Scott (Fla.), Tim Scott (S.C.) and Lindsey Graham (S.C.) delayed passage of the bill in order to force a vote on an amendment removing the extra unemployment funding. "This bill pays you more not to work than if you were working," Graham said. Fortunately for American workers, the amendment failed and the improved bill passed the Senate and the House.

• Note: In 2009 only three Republicans helped Obama pass his stimulus bill in his first month in office.

The giveaways in the bill

While Senate Democrats were able to add worker-friendly provisions, the bill still required bipartisan support to pass the chamber and some corporate giveaways remained in the final version.

• NYT: “Senate Republicans inserted an easy-to-overlook provision on page 203 of the 880-page bill that would permit wealthy investors to use losses generated by real estate to minimize their taxes on profits from things like investments in the stock market. The estimated cost of the change over 10 years is $170 billion.”
  
• NYT: “...if a company owns multiple hotels, even if the overall hotel or restaurant chain has more than 500 employees — the limit to qualify for treatment as a small business — it will still be able to take advantage of the small-business benefits offered in the rescue package. ...The provision could benefit the Trump Organization, which operates a relatively small chain, with six hotels in the United States in cities including New York, Washington and Chicago.”
  

Politico:

• “A provision for the FDA to approve ‘innovative’ sunscreens—which would benefit L’Oreal, which has operations in Kentucky—appeared in the bill, which was steered in the Senate by Majority Leader Mitch McConnell of Kentucky.”
  
• “The $25 billion allocated in loans and loan guarantees for the airlines will also benefit eligible businesses "approved to perform inspection, repair, replace, or overhaul services, and ticket agents.” The last two words — ‘ticket agents’ — mean that travel agents who book flights will also be able to apply for a piece of the $25 billion.”
  
• “The credit reporting industry got a win by defeating a total ban on negative credit reports during the crisis. Instead, a watered down version made it into the final bill: Consumers wouldn't get a negative credit report if they have an agreement with a lender to delay payments or make partial payments.”
  

Trump’s signing statement

While signing the latest coronavirus relief bill, the president also issued a signing statement undercutting the congressional oversight provision creating an inspector general to track how the administration distributes the $500 billion “slush fund” money.
The newly-created inspector general is legally required to audit loans and investments made through the fund and report to Congress his/her findings, including any refusal by the executive office to cooperate. In his signing statement, Trump wrote that his understanding of constitutional powers allows him to gag the special IG:

"I do not understand, and my Administration will not treat, this provision as permitting the [inspector general] to issue reports to the Congress without the presidential supervision required" by Article II of the Constitution.

The signing statement further suggests that Trump does not have to comply with a provision requiring that agencies consult with Congress before it spends or reallocates certain funds: "These provisions are impermissible forms of congressional aggrandizement with respect to the execution of the laws," the statement reads.
While some have said that Congress fell short in this instance, one Democratic Senate aide told Politico that Congress built in multiple layers of oversight, including “a review of other inspectors general and a congressional review committee charged with overseeing Treasury and the Federal Reserve's efforts to implement the law.”
Legal experts have pointed out that a signing statement is “without legal effect.” But that ignores the fact that oversight is not equal to enforcement. The problem, in my opinion, isn’t that Congress won’t be notified of any abuses of power by Trump. The problem is that congressional Republicans and the judiciary have largely failed to hold him accountable and enforce our laws even after learning of his abuses.

Concerns about the IG

Another potential weakness in the oversight structure is the inspector general position itself. The special inspector general for pandemic recovery, known by the acronym S.I.G.P.R., is nominated by the president and confirmed by the Republican-controlled Senate. As we’ve seen from Trump’s previous nominees, particularly judicial, many unqualified individuals have been confirmed. The Democrats will not have the power to stop the president and Mitch McConnell from jamming through a loyalist to fill the SIGPR role.

Former inspector general at the Justice Department Michael Bromwich: “The signing statement threatens to undermine the authority and independence of this new IG. The Senate should extract a commitment from the nominee that Congress will be promptly notified of any Presidential/Administration interference or obstruction.”

You may recall that Trump has already proven that he’s willing to interfere with the legally-mandated work of an inspector general. When the Ukraine whistleblower filed a complaint last year, the IG of the Intelligence Community, Michael Atkinson, investigated and determined the complaint to be “urgent” and “credible.” Atkinson wrote a report and gave it to Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire to hand over to Congress. However, the White House and DOJ interfered and instructed Maguire not to transmit the report to the Senate and House Intelligence Committees. Chairman Adam Schiff had to subpoena Maguire to turn over the report and testify before his committee.
Further, there are already five IG vacancies in agencies that have a critical role in responding to the pandemic. The Treasury itself has not had a permanent, Senate-confirmed IG for over eight months now, and Trump hasn’t nominated a replacement. The Treasury Dept. has taken a lead role in the coronavirus response, with Secretary Mnuchin handling most of the negotiating with Congress on Trump’s behalf. The fact that the lead agency doesn’t have IG oversight should be troublesome in itself; replicating the situation with a special IG doesn’t seem to be a promising solution.

• The other four coronavirus-related agencies without a permanent IG: Department of Health and Human Services’ IG has been vacant for nine months, Department of Defense’s IG has been vacant for four years, Department of Education’s IG has been vacant for one year, and Office of Personnel Management’s IG has been vacant for four years. Overall, there are twelve IG vacancies in the 37) presidentially-appointed offices.

UPDATE: The nation's inspectors general have appointed Glenn Fine, the Pentagon's acting IG, to lead the committee of IGs overseeing the coronavirus relief effort.

This is one of several oversight mechanisms built into the new law. They include:
A committee of IGs (now led by Fine), a new special IG (to be nominated by Trump), a congressional review panel (to be appointed by House/Senate leaders)

Direct payments

Included in the stimulus bill is a $1200 one-time direct payment for all Americans who made less than $75,000 in 2019 (less than $150,000 if couples filed jointly). More details can be found here. I have read that the Treasury will use 2018 information for those who have not filed yet this year, but I am not 100% sure that’ll happen.
Mnuchin has said that Americans can expect to receive the money within three weeks, but many experts expect that timetable to be pushed into late April. Additionally, that only applies to Americans who included direct deposit information on their 2019 tax returns. Those who did not include their bank’s information will have to be sent a physical check in the mail… which could take anywhere from two to four months.
Other options are being discussed, including partnering the Treasury Dept. with MasterCard and Visa to deliver prepaid debit cards. Venmo and Paypal are reportedly lobbying the government to be considered as a disbursement option.
Future payments?
House Speaker Pelosi is already planning another wave of direct payments to Americans, saying that the $1,200 is not enough to mitigate the economic effects of the pandemic: “I don’t think we’ve seen the end of direct payments.” Republicans, meanwhile, are taking a ‘wait and see’ approach, using the next couple of weeks to measure the impact of the $2 trillion bill passed last week.

House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy: “What concerns me is when I listen to Nancy Pelosi talk about a fourth package now, it’s because she did not get out of things that she really wanted...I’m not sure you need a fourth package...Let’s let this work ... We have now given the resources to make and solve this problem. We don’t need to be crafting another bill right now.”
For the fourth legislative package, Democrats have said they would like to see increased food stamp benefits; increased coverage for coronavirus testing, visits to the doctor and treatment; more money for state and local governments, including Washington, D.C.; expanded family and medical leave; pension fixes; and stronger workplace protections.

Trump’s signature
Normally, a civil servant signs federal checks, like the direct payments Americans are set to receive. According to a Wall Street Journal report, Trump has told people that he wants his signature to appear on the stimulus checks.

THE SIDES

War on the poor continues

Amid the coronavirus crisis, Trump has defended his continued support of a Republican-led lawsuit to dismantle the Affordable Care Act, which would result in 20 million Americans losing health insurance if successful. The Supreme Court agreed to hear arguments in the case this fall. Contrasting with his position that the ACA is illegal, Trump is considering reopening enrollment on HealthCare.gov, allowing millions of uninsured individuals to get coverage before potentially incurring charges and fees related to COVID-19.
Joe Biden called on Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton, who is leading the charge against the ACA, and President Trump to drop the lawsuit:

“At a time of national emergency, which is laying bare the existing vulnerabilities in our public health infrastructure, it is unconscionable that you are continuing to pursue a lawsuit designed to strip millions of Americans of their health insurance and protections under the Affordable Care Act (ACA), including the ban on insurers denying coverage or raising premiums due to pre-existing conditions.”

The Trump administration is also pushing forward with its plan to kick 700,000 people off federal food stamp assistance, known as SNAP (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program). The USDA announced two weeks ago that the department will appeal Judge Beryl Howell’s recent decision that the USDA’s work mandate rule is “arbitrary and capricious."
Additionally: The Social Security Administration has no plans to slow down a rule change set for June that will limit disability benefits, the Department of Health and Human Services still intends to reduce automatic enrollment in health coverage, and the Department of Housing and Urban Development will continue the process to enact a rule that would make it harder for renters to sue landlords for racial discrimination.

Lawmakers’ stock transactions

The Justice Department and Securities and Exchange Commission are beginning to investigate stock transactions made ahead of the economic crisis caused by the coronavirus pandemic. CNN reports that the inquiry has already reached out to Senator Richard Burr for information. “Under insider trading laws, prosecutors would need to prove the lawmakers traded based on material non-public information they received in violation of a duty to keep it confidential,” a task that won’t be easy.
Sen. Burr is facing another consequence of his trades: Alan Jacobson, a shareholder in Wyndham Hotels and Resorts, sued Burr for allegedly using private information to instruct a mass liquidation of his assets. Among the shares he sold were an up to $150,000 stake in Wyndham, whose stock suffered a market-value cut of more than two-thirds since mid-February.

Environmental rollbacks

Using the pandemic as cover, the Trump administration has begun to more aggressively roll back regulations meant to protect the environment. These are examples of what Naomi Klein dubbed “the shock doctrine”: the phenomenon wherein polluters and their government allies push through unpopular policy changes under the smokescreen of a public emergency.
On Thursday, the EPA announced (non-paywalled) an expansive relaxation of environmental laws and fines, exempting companies from consequences for pollution. Under the new rules, there are basically no rules. Companies are asked to “act responsibly” but are not required to report when their facilities discharge pollution into the air or water. Just five days before abandoning any pollution oversight, the oil industry’s largest trade group implored the administration for assistance, stating that social distancing measures caused a steep drop in demand for gasoline.

• Monday morning update: In an interview with Fox News this morning, Trump said he was going to call Putin after the interview to discuss the Saudi-Russia oil fight. A consequence of this "battle" has been plummeting prices in the U.S. making it difficult for domestic companies (like shale extraction) to turn a profit. It's striking that the day after Dr. Fauci told Americans we can expect 100,000 to 200,000 deaths from COVID-19 (if we keep social distancing measures in place), Trump's first action is to talk to Fox News and his second action is to intervene in an international tiff on behalf of the oil and gas industry.

Gina McCarthy, who led the E.P.A. under the Obama administration, called the rollback “an open license to pollute.” Cynthia Giles, who headed the EPA enforcement division during the Obama administration, said “it is so far beyond any reasonable response I am just stunned.”
The EPA is also moving forward with a widely-opposed rule to limit the types of scientific studies used when crafting new regulations or revising current ones. Hidden behind claims of increased transparency, the rule would require disclosure of all raw data used in scientific studies. This would disqualify many fields of research that rely on personal health information from individuals that must be kept confidential. For example, studies that show air pollution causes premature deaths or a certain pesticide is linked to birth defects would be rejected under the proposed rule change.
Officials and scientists are calling upon the EPA to extend the time for comment on the regulatory changes, arguing that the public is unable to express their opinion while dealing with the pandemic.

“These rollbacks need and deserve the input of our public health community, but right now, they are rightfully focused on responding to the coronavirus,” said Representative Frank Pallone of New Jersey, the chairman of the House Energy and Commerce Committee.

Other controversial decisions being made:

• A former EPA official who worked on controversial policies returned as Administrator Andrew Wheeler’s chief of staff. Mandy Gunasekara helped write regulations to ease pollution controls for coal-fired power plants and vehicle emissions in her previous role as chief of the EPA’s Office of Air and Radiation. In a recent interview, Gunasekara, who played a role in the decision to exit the Paris Climate Accord, pushed back on the more dire predictions of climate change, saying, “I don't think it is catastrophic.”
  
• NYT: The plastic bag industry, battered by a wave of bans nationwide, is using the coronavirus crisis to try to block laws prohibiting single-use plastic. “We simply don’t want millions of Americans bringing germ-filled reusable bags into retail establishments putting the public and workers at risk,” an industry campaign that goes by the name Bag the Ban warned on Tuesday. (Also see The Guardian)
  
• Kentucky, South Dakota, and West Virginia passed laws putting new criminal penalties on protests against fossil fuel infrastructure in just the past two weeks.
  
• The Hill: The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) said Friday that it will extend the amount of time that winter gasoline can be sold this year as producers have been facing lower demand due to the coronavirus. It will allow companies to sell the winter-grade gasoline through May 20, whereas companies would have previously been required to stop selling it by May 1 to protect air quality. “In responding to an international health crisis, the last thing the EPA should do is take steps that will worsen air quality and undermine the public’s health,” biofuels expert David DeGennaro said.
  
• NYT: At the Interior Department, employees at the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service have been under strict orders to complete the rule eliminating some protections for migratory birds within 30 days, according to two people with direct knowledge of the orders. The 45-day comment period on that rule ended on March 19.
  
• WaPo: The Interior Department has received over 230 nominations for oil and gas leases covering more than 150,000 acres across southern Utah, a push that would bring drilling as close as a half-mile from some of the nation’s most famous protected sites, including Arches and Canyonlands National Parks… if all the fossil fuels buried in those sites was extracted and burned, it would translate into between 1 billion and 5.95 billion metric tons of carbon dioxide being released into the air. That upward measure is equal to half the annual carbon output of China
  

Court updates

Press freedom case
Southern District of New York District Judge Lorna Schofield ruled that a literary advocacy group’s lawsuit against Trump for allegedly violating the First Amendment can move forward. The group, PEN America, is pursuing claims that Trump “has used government power to retaliate against media coverage and reporters he dislikes.”
Schofield determined that PEN’s allegation that Trump made threats to chill free speech was valid, providing as an example the White House’s revocation of CNN correspondent Jim Acosta’s press press corps credentials:

”The threats are lent credence by the fact that Defendant has acted on them before, by revoking Mr. Acosta’s credentials and barring reporters from particular press conferences. The Press Secretary indeed e-mailed the entire press corps to inform them of new rules of conduct and to warn of further consequences, citing the incident involving Mr. Acosta… These facts plausibly allege that a motivation for defendant’s actions is controlling and punishing speech he dislikes.”

Twitter case
The president suffered another First Amendment defeat last week when the full 2nd Circuit Court of Appeals declined to review a previous ruling that prevents Trump from blocking users on the Twitter account he uses to communicate with the public. Judge Barrington D. Parker, a Nixon-appointee, wrote: “Excluding people from an otherwise public forum such as this by blocking those who express views critical of a public official is, we concluded, unconstitutional.”
Trump-appointees Michael Parker and Richard Sullivan authored a dissent, arguing the free speech “does not include a right to post on other people’s personal social media accounts, even if those other people happen to be public officials.” Park warned that the ruling will allow the social media pages of public officials to be “overrun with harassment, trolling, and hate speech, which officials will be powerless to filter.”
Florida’s felon voting
U.S. District Judge Robert Hinkle ripped into Florida Governor Ron DeSantis’s administration for failing to come up with a process to determine which felons are genuinely unable to pay court-ordered fees and fines, which are otherwise required to be paid before having their voting rights restored.
“If the state is not going to fix it, I will,” Hinkle warned. He had given the state five months to come up with an administrative process for felons to prove they’re unable to pay financial obligations, but Florida officials did not do so. The case is set to be heard on April 28 (notwithstanding any coronavirus-related delays).

ICE, Jails, and COVID-19

ICE
One of the most overlooked populations with an increased risk of death from coronavirus are those in detention facilities, which keep people in close quarters with little sanitation or protective measures (including for staff).
Last week, U.S. District Judge Dolly Gee ordered the federal government to “make continuous efforts” to release migrant children from detention centers across the country. Numerous advocacy groups asked for the release after reports that four children being held in New York had tested positive for the virus:

“The threat of irreparable injury to their health and safety is palpable,” the plaintiffs’ lawyers said in their petition… both of the agencies operating migrant children detention facilities must by April 6 provide an accounting of their efforts to release those in custody… “Her order will undoubtedly speed up releases,” said Peter Schey, co-counsel for the plaintiffs in the court case.

On Tuesday, 13 immigrants held at ICE facilities in California filed a lawsuit demanding to be released because their health conditions make them particularly vulnerable to dying if infected by the coronavirus. An ACLU statement says the detainees are “confined in crowded and unsanitary conditions where social distancing is not possible.” The 13 individuals are all over the age of 50 and/or suffering from serious underlying medical issues like high blood pressure.

“From all the evidence we have seen, ICE is failing to fulfill its constitutional obligation to protect the health and safety of individuals in its custody. ICE should exercise its existing discretion to release people with serious medical conditions from detention for humanitarian reasons,” said William Freeman, senior counsel at the ACLU of Northern California.

Meanwhile, ICE is under fire for continuing to shuttle detainees across the country, with one even being forced to take nine different flights bouncing from Louisiana to Texas to New Jersey less than two weeks ago. That man is Dr. Sirous Asgari, a materials science and engineering professor from Iran, who was acquitted last year on federal charges of stealing trade secrets. The government lost its case against him, yet ICE has had him in indefinite detention since November.

Asgari, 59, told the Guardian that his Ice holding facility in Alexandria, Louisiana, had no basic cleaning practices in place and continued to bring in new detainees from across the country with no strategy to minimize the threat of Covid-19...Detainees have no hand sanitizer, and the facility is not regularly cleaning bathrooms or sleeping areas…Detainees lack access to masks… Detainees struggle to stay clean, and the facility has an awful stench.

Jails
State jails are making a better effort to release detained individuals, as both New York and New Jersey ordered a thousand people in each state be let out of jail. The order applied only to low-level offenders sentenced to less than a year in jail and those held on technical probation violations. In Los Angeles County, officials released over 1,700 people from its jails.
A judge in Alabama took similar steps last week, ordering roughly 500 people jailed for minor offenses to be released to lessen crowding in facilities. Unlike in New York and New Jersey, however, local officials reacted in an uproar, led in part by the state executive committee for the Alabama Republican Party and Assistant District Attorney C.J. Robinson. Using angry Facebook messages as the barometer of the community’s feelings, Robinson worked “frantically” to block inmates from being released.

• Reuters: As of Saturday, at least 132 inmates and 104 staff at jails across New York City had tested positive for COVID-19, the disease caused by the coronavirus… Since March 22, jails have reported 226 inmates and 131 staff with confirmed cases of COVID-19, according to a Reuters survey of cities and counties that run America’s 20 largest jails. The numbers are almost certainly an undercount given the fast spread of the virus.

Tribe opposed by Trump loses land

On Wednesday, The Federal Bureau of Indian Affairs announced the Mashpee Wampanoag Tribe’s reservation would be "disestablished" and its land trust status removed. Tribal Chairman Cedric Cromwell called the move "cruel" and "unnecessary,” particularly coming in the midst of a pandemic crisis. Rep. Bill Keating (D-Mass.), who last year introduced legislation to protect the tribe's reservation as trust land in Massachusetts, said the order “is one of the most cruel and nonsensical acts I have seen since coming to Congress.”
The administration’s decision is especially suspicious as just last year Trump attacked the tribe’s plan to build a casino on its land, tweeting that allowing the construction would be “unfair” and treat Native Americans unequally. As a former casino owner, Trump has spent decades attacking Native American casinos as unfair competition. At a 1993 congressional hearing Trump said that tribal owners “don’t look like Indians to me” and claimed: “I might have more Indian blood than a lot of the so-called Indians that are trying to open up the reservations” to gambling.
More than his past history, however, Trump has current interests at play in the Mashpee Wampanoag’s planned casino: it would have competed for business with nearby Rhode Island casinos owned by Twin River Worldwide Holdings, whose president, George Papanier, was a finance executive at the Trump Plaza casino hotel in Atlantic City.

In the Mashpee case, Twin River, the operator of the two Rhode Island casinos, has hired Matthew Schlapp, chairman of the American Conservative Union and a vocal Trump supporter, to lobby for it on the land issue. Schlapp’s wife, Mercedes, is director of strategic communications at the White House.

As a pre-conceived warning, this MTM will not be as good as last seasons. Due to my own mistake, I should’ve been more specific on it being more of a look description so I could have free range on the episode writing, however these girls and the other ones coming in the next part SLAYED for their first times, and honestly they’ll make this part good themselves. I apologise.
[START]
“What did you see?”
The sudden opening of the first scene occurs, appearing with a booming lightning strike sound, the constant loud splatter of rain drops pouring from the pewter clouds above can also be heard within the storm. The camera panned from the near trees, outwards into the clearing, where a drenched woman small of stature huddles within a blanket next to a police officer, residing next to the camp fire which had clearly extinguished due to the weather; the relentless amount of opaque, thick smog rising and intoxicating the air. She trembles and shakes in the cold night, shook up from something she had seen. The police officer near her leans further in, patting her back, the tense music continuing to crescendo.
“I saw Ev-evi-evita.”
A close up of a mixture of rain and tears rolling off her jawline happens, then the camera suddenly switching to the policeman's frowning face.
“Ok, this girls clearly done drugs. Just take her somewhere, to her home, whatever.”
The man scratches the rubble upon his jaw, and then stares into the distance of the forest, thinking that he saw a dark silhouette moving around, shaking his head and getting into his car, slamming the door in disappointment. One more lightning strike occurs, the intense, blindening blue blast of lightning covering the screen, transitioning into the new scene.
Las Vegas
11:00 PM
“Back, back, back here again. Spinning the wheel one more time.”
The camera pans through the streams of posh, upper class people in formal attire, treading over the crimson velvet floors and leaving behind their footprints. Fantasia can be seen, back in the same spot of last season, before a casino table in which rests the same wheel used from last season, each quarter reading the name of a final four queen. She also wore the same dress from the last time she stood in the spot. Her large, talon-like, royal blue fake nails come into view as she grabs onto the spin wheel, spinning it and watching it slow down. Vibrations emit from her phone, Fantasia looking down as she sighs and reluctantly answering the call, disrupting her attention to the spinning wheel. Whatever it landed on was blurred out as she turned, and awaits to hear the unknown voice on the call.
“Who died? Have I been sent home yet? Oh no what’s the twist? Wait, I don’t want to know, what is it?” She practically yells down the phone, eyeing up those who walked past her and gave her the evils.
The scene cuts to Fantasia rushing to her car, stumbling in her heels, gripping onto the cold handle and swinging the door open, throwing herself in. She ends the phone call, sighing, and then drives down the strip and out into the dessert. The roaring exhaust on the vintage car emitted vast sounds waves and smoke, whipping up the sand into whirlwinds and suffocating the air that lacked any moisture. The night sky was dawned upon her, with a slight red cast as the sun went down, continuing to drive faster as she looked at the time within her car. She eventually leaves the dessert scene, and finds herself pulling out of a police station, rushing into the doors whilst pushing past people and peering around for the sheriff's office.
“What did you see?”
She drops heavily onto the chair next to the woman who was found earlier, rushing her on for an answer.
“No, I don’t care about the cross dressing pedo, and yes you’re scarred by my stunning face, but a faster answer please. I don’t have all day, not all of us work on the same brain speed of… myself.”
“I saw a dark area, I’m not sure where it was. Almost like an empty room. And there were these monsters…”
The scene fades out, transitioning to another one which shows what she saw. A dark empty area, from what we can presume a room, was shown, only lit by a far flickering bulb in the distance, the only sound is of the faulty electrics and loose wires about the room, occasionally emitting sparks. Faint footsteps echoed off the wall, but coming from no sure direction, the camera spinning slowly until it focuses on a series of unknown figures.
The room was, well, as bright as you could expect an abandoned warehouse-y place to be, with walls as dark as the minds of those that entered it, and a thin veil of dust and mist that intermingled as it fell from the damp, mold-encrusted ceiling. Ava Adore slowly stepped into the light, her platforms scraping against the cold concrete floor. Her outfit was fairly simple-she wore a short, neatly-cut bob wig that just scraped her chin, green face paint dripping down her mouth in some semblance of vomit. Her eyeshadow was an acid-bright yellow and her lips a shade of pink in a similar brightness. Her t-shirt was black with neon pink writing declaring the words "Vomit gore", and her skirt was a similar shade of yellow to her eyes, a skintight PVC material. Her leg attire was quite similar in its simplicity, black fishnets with fake blood dripping down from her thighs in a crude simulation of menstruation. She gave the camera a disinterested stare with her white contacts, as if she felt almost a disdain for her situation. The dark scene fades into a confessional.
[AVA | archdukelidl]: Ugh, I'm Ava Adore, I'm, like, 22? and I'm from the west midlands. Or whichever trash bag you pull me out of after a night of partying. Seriously, I've ended up in some wild places. My drag style is best described in two words: Party filth. Like, acid neon, puke and death. As you can probably tell from my outfit. I don't think it fits into the typical conventions of filth drag but I'll go with it. I like to experiment with horror stuff occasionally too. I would say my drag is out-of-the-box but that just sounds cocky, right? Oh, wait, who gives a fuck? Yeah, it's out of the box. If you can even find a box big enough to fit my fat ass. I have high hopes for myself, like, I don't expect to win, but I expect to put up a damn fight and I will cut a bitch with my fake nails if I have to. But winning would be cool so I'm not gonna do that, because that's like a disqualifiable offence, yeah? I got my drag name from a song by the Smashing Pumpkins, even though their music isn't really what filth is about. I just thought it sounded like a classy name. And I am the absolute opposite of that shit! Anyway, laters! I gotta go find some shit to drink.
“How many others did you see?”
The scene of her vision continues, Fantasias voice heard in the background as she continues to question the girl for answers.
The room was dark, thick smoke covers the room as a dark shadow appears through the smog. Anita walks in, one hand on her mask, the other stretched out in a claw-like fashion. She appears in a beaked mask, akin to those worn by the plague doctors during the black plague. The base of the full black mask is made of metal and the beak is made of hard leather, with clear glass on the eyeholes. She is wearing a red leather sex harness as a top with bare chest. The straps of the harness form a crisscross across her chest and the “straps” are thick enough to cover her nipples. She is wearing a pair of flare pants with feather ruffles on the sides that move beautifully with every step she takes. A rope belt with skulls is wrapped around her waist, with the excess dangling on her left side. She is also wearing an 8-inch black stiletto heel with a chunky front portion. Anita has on black leg warmers made of feathers on her forearms over a black latex wrist-length glove underneath. She accessorizes the look with a necklace with 5 skulls spaced out around it and dangling skull earrings. She is wearing a grey thick dread wig with smaller skulls in it. As Anita walks through the smoke, she takes off the mask, revealing red tribal markings on her forehead, with 2 pointed stripes painted downwards underneath her eyes, perpendicular to her lips. She has on a strong dark smokey eye and no brows, with a strong black lip. Her body and right arm also has matching red tribal markings. To complete the look, she is wearing blackout lenses to add intensity. On her back, she is wearing a rusty copper-colored cage, held by chains like a drawstring bag, with a mystery item in it. As she walks to the center, she twists and squirms as if being possessed by a demon. Once she hits the marking, she stands straight and silent, before turning around to release the black crow in her cage. She laughs maniacally as she watches her crow fly around the room, a symbol of her releasing her evil into the atmosphere.
After the camera focuses on the individual, it slowly fades back into the confessional scene.
[ANITA | passingpeaches ]: Sup whores. My name’s Anita Dragname and I am 25 years old from sunny Singapore. My drag is polished, wicked and gagworthy. I signed up to Reddit Dragula 3 cause I’ve had a taste of competing in RDR1 Remastered and thought I could give this a shot too. Some of my looks on that season have been said to be “very Dragula” by the other girls, so why not? I think out of the 3 elements of Dragula, I resemble Horror the most as I’m always turning spooks, stunting creepy.
The questioning continues to be heard, as another figure can be saw in the distance, beside Anita who had just appeared in the light.
“The werent only two, there were lots. Have you ever just saw something and it’s scarred you?”
“Yeah, I saw RDR2.”
“They kept appearing, it was so odd.”
The dark figure moves closer and closer.
Catheterina steps out covered in dirt, head to toe. She begins by standing with her feet far apart and her arms straight out by her sides so you can take in all of her filthy glory. Her dark auburn hair is large and in charge, extremely unkempt and poofy. The hair is waist length, with the top of the wig beginning six inches above her head. Upon closer inspection, you can see that there are dead roaches all throughout her hair. Her lipstick is chocolate brown, with a smudge on her upper lip to the left to give the impression that she’s been eating dirty ass. Her eye-shadow is bright green and each in the shape of a leaf, with a line coming out of each of her eye-lines to appear as a stem. To top it off, she has a roach pasted on her forehead with two worms coming out of each side to appear as a headband. On her extended arms is a brown garter snake, wrapped around her neck and both of her arms. On her left hand it’s rearing its’ ugly head, fully alive and well, with the snake’s body ending on Catheterina’s right hand. Her chest is covered with a tassel of leaves formed in the shape of a butterfly, with two brown leaves arranged vertically across the sternum, and crumpled up orange leaves to form the breasts. She has a belt that is also made of green leaves with two twigs sticking out at each side, holding up her knee-length, upside-down-cone-shaped skirt that is made of tiny twigs and sticks and slants downwards to the point that it sticks out five inches from her knees, still leaving see through areas. She steps forward with her arms still spread out, but then raises her right hand and begins pulling the dead roaches out of her hair, until she sticks out her right hand to show the handful of six roaches, and then eats them one by one like a bunch of M&M’s. The next handful she grabs, she smushes them on her right cheek, wiping the trails of their bodies across her face and then licking up the remnants. She pulls a worm off her forehead and it begins to swirl around. She lets it through one of the holes in her skirt to crawl up her urethra, with her mouth wide open in shock and pleasure at what she’d just done. For her finale, she unwraps the snake from her arms and allows it to hang around her neck for a bit, before bringing it up to her face and allowing it to lick her. She returns the favor by deep-throating its’ head before pulling it back out, still bobbing its’ head.
[CATHETERINA | asiaoharasdragrace]: I’m Catheterina Dick, named after the hopes that my outfits will make you cringe harder than my drag name and like I tell all my male suitors, I’m 18. I’m from Louisiana. Considering no one would recognize the name of my actual town, I’ll just go with New Orleans. It’s like my home away from home because there’s smelly homeless people everywhere so I fit right in. If I had to describe my drag in 3 words, mental illness manifestation. Kidding, sort of, but really I’d say campy, grungy, and trashy. I signed up for this because I need the online validation I don’t get in real life. Jk, but in all honesty I’ve been following these interactive seasons for a while, and Dragula allows you more freedom to be crazy and nasty and shocking, so I figured this was my opportunity to take the nightmares I’ve been having as long as I can remember and bring them to life- on Reddit. I easily resemble filth the most. I’m literally down for anything. This look only scratched the surface of how gross I am. I will drink piss and swallow whole live frogs and chop off toes if that gets me the Reddit Dragula crown. Hell, I’ll still do it anyways.
“Ew, that one sounded gross. Let me guess, there was another one?”
As the exposed queens disappear, the continuation of the sound of footsteps occurs, getting closer and closer, the camera occasionally flickering off and on.
Sue stepped out into the light with a pure air of elegance, embodying the jazz singers of days gone. When she looked in the lense you felt the whiff of whisky and regret hit you. When she twirled and the slit came up on that velvet gown it was as if she was sex herself. Candid, yet with ulterior motives behind it. She pulled a stiff cigar from her bodice, but rather than putting it to her mouth she put it to her neck, seemingly inhaled and then released the fumes through her mouth. The years of sin in the city and vice had made physical differences to her body. Rather than letting it be a catalyst for improvement she simply used it to show how little she cared. Her arm began to jitter, and she ripped off her glove revealing an IV bag of yellow liquid attached to her arm. Her hand began to contort into an assortment of glamorous poses, showing it to be in her nature to keep it beautiful. She pulled out a bottle of red wine from under her dress titled “Jesus juice, tastes like the end of the road”. She yanked out the cork and began drowning her arm in the juice, attempting to get it into where the IV had rested. She needed into her bloodstream, and the way she shook the bottle to get the liquid in was near visceral. Exhausted from the ordeal she fell to the ground, pulling her glove back up above her elbow in an attempt to be seductive, before giving up on this wish (as she likely did with many others in her life), and dragged her makeup while grabbing the cross laden below the throat cavity and saying some short prayers
[SUE PERB | HashtagDeathSplat]: I am Sue Perb, short for Susan Perb and longer for Susanne Perb, I am from The United Kingdom and I’m whatever age you want me to be. Sue is unexpected, polished and pristine. She serves you glamour with a twist. She’ll give you always a simple silhouette but always with a trick up her sleeve. It’s always polished and neat before it all inevitably goes to shit when she destroys the floor. I always try to embody a glamour and a beauty in what I do, and I use that as my way to present the other aspects. I signed up to Dragula to win a motherfucking crown and do something creative with my vacation.
“I mean, they weren’t all females. There was one that appeared quite masculine too.”
“Not a straight right?”
“I don’t know.”
Another daunting silhouette can be seen, as the light flickers Sue disappears from view, whilst the unknown person walks towards the lens.
The king emerged from the darkness of the room, a flash of light coming from the miners helmet he is wearing. Cobwebs cling to the yellow helmet as the dim headlamp flickers. His face is sunken in, the makeup creating deep dark circles under his eyes and sharp, jutting edges of his face. His chin has a smattering amount of dark brown stubble, which is contrasted by his intensely thick brown eyebrows. His face is an ashen gray color with short dirty blonde hair sweeping down to partially shade his eyes, which are blue. His overalls are a dark faded green color, they cling to his body, revealing a thin, wiry frame, and they are covered in dust and cobwebs. He is bare chested underneath the overalls, with the rest of his body painted similar to his face: gray and skeletal. There is a huge tear in the side of his overalls, caused by a large chunk of rock embedded into his side, with blood seeping through at a slow rate. His heavy, black combat boots drag and kick up dust as he shuffles forward deliberately, clutching a spray-painted gray sunflower close to his chest.
[INDIGO CHILD | cloudess15]: Hey, I’m Indigo Child, also known as cloudess15, and I’m 26, which means I’m past my biological prime and my cells are slowly dying. I’m a punk ghoul from the Twin Cities and my drag can best be described as undead, cynical, and comical. I definitely represent horror the best because there is nothing more terrifying than a butch who knows how to do makeup. I decided to do this competition to further develop my drag aesthetic. Let the Purple Reign begin!
The office scene returns, where Fantasia can be seen frowning at the girl whilst she describes what she saw.
“Portia, girl, come on. Please don’t tell me you’re having a relapse from your drug look on the Coachella challenge.”
Suddenly the woman, now known as Portia, snaps out of her depressing mood, turning red as she watches Fantasia rub her head in disappointment.
“It’s not my fault. It got me the win, so why wouldn’t I try again for the finale?”
“Just continue, tell me the others.”
It snaps back to the dark room.
A very tall and very pale figure steps into the doorway. In the half light, all that is visible is the soaring swoop of a skyscraper pompadour, and the glowing ash of a lit cigarette. She exhales the smoke in a perfect circle and steps forward. Razor sharp cheekbones adorned with metallic silver contour draw your attention up to golden brown eyes framed with lengthy spiked lashes. There is a sparkling viscous substance smudged around the eye and delicately spilling down her cheeks. How much of it is silicone glitter versus actual blood is anybody's guess. Her nails are certainly long enough to have scratched somebody's eyes out. Her fur bomber coat is as blood red as her hair, but the artfully slashed sequined chiffon strands underneath it could only be called a shirt by the blind or the generous. The only thing keeping the top half of the outfit from disintegrating is an elaborately woven double wide obi style belt made from sex shop cock rings and bits of old denim. Silver latex high waisted leggings hug a booty that tests the limits of the concept of 4 way stretch, and the surprisingly long and slender legs that carry it are encased in a red latex thigh high boot that matches the hair and the coat. She takes the last drag of her cigarette (stained with remnants of lacquered red lipstick), and crushes it under her stiletto heel in a manner that borders on niche pornography.
[ANGIE APATHY | msmonochrome]: Hello uglies! I'm Angie Apathy, old enough to know better, but young enough to still do it anyway. I'm born and bred in New York City, a place so dirty that my last subway ride was probably filthier that all of last season's runways put together. If I had to describe my drag in 3 words, they would be grungy grindhouse sexbot. I can switch from Fellini to Fulci at the drop of a hat, and bring a Dragula style celluloid cocktail of glamour and horror to the competition, with a dash of kink fueled filth thrown in. As a new face, these other girls might not give me much credit. That's fine, as I prefer to get the cash up front. Why Dragula Season 3? Apathy is nothing more than a fancy word for having not a single fuck left to give, and I am here to snatch the crown away from the tired masses of H.P Lovecraft fanfic and queens who still think blood capsule residue dribbling down their chin with some butcher shop entrails is super spooky.
The faulty light bulb flickers once again, Angie fading from view, replaced by one more dark silhouette that falters in the distance, stumbling towards the ambience of light.
A diadem of black tendrils sat proudly upon her grey skin. The cords intertwined themselves in a complicated manner, tying into thick webs that formed a netting. Only two of the crown's cords were not fitting in this order, instead, hanging loosely upon each side of her face. Her skin was grey, the shadows battling each other upon her visage. Her lips were basked in a deep plum color, with a single drop of blood staining them. Her cheekbones were high, strangely and disgustingly high. Erathelle stares down with her white contact lenses. There was only white in her pupils, the tones of violet and grey that danced around her eyelids being the only drop of color present. Where her eyebrows should have been, another pair of eyes were drawn. They were angular, thin, sharp, staring directly at the camera. Her gown went up to her neck. The lace of it was black, delicate, and torn into several spots, leaving her skin exposed around the shoulders and collarbones. Her abdomen resembled an insectoid carapace, having a series of blunt spine-like structures erupting around her stomach and down to her hips, where the dress falls down into a mermaid cut that hugged her legs tightly, spinning about as she walked. There were long threads of linen that hanged from her hands and diadem, swathing in the wind as she walked. Erathelle brought up a single finger to her lips. Pressing hardly upon her skin with her dark, fake nail, she would cut down in a single swipe as a thin droplet of blood crashed down upon her chin. The goddess Arachne had been dormant for too long - and now, she grows hungry.
[ERATHELLE | cuntaliefondant]: My drag name is Erathelle, but you can call me Era for short. It comes from my religious name. I am a Wiccan priest, and I go by "Erastis". So I took "Era", and added "thelle", because I love French sounding shit and there you have it. I am eighteen years of age. Fresh out the womb, right? I’m from Romania, where all the vampires and gypsies come from. Hide your drag from me, I'm gonna steal it. My drag in three words would be blasphemous, obscene, foul. A girl after your own heart. I think I embody horror the most. I think my purpose as a monster is to defile, and I really can't put it in better words. Everything I touch turns into a horrifying, ugly, repulsive mess.
Fading back to the scene in which Portia and Fantasia sat opposing one another, they both pause for a second and think.
“So, you’ve basically cast S3 for me through a drug trip?” Fantasia quieries her, confused but also thankful at the same time.
“Well, if you want them monsters on the cast then yeah, I guess so. What about the other 6?”
“I’ll go to wherever you imagined, you must’ve been there in the past anyway and find the others. Thanks, you’ve finally been useful for once.” She pats Portia on the back as she rises, heading to the door. “Write that damn finale submission already too, whore.”
She hurries out of the police station, in disgust with the toxic fumes that arose from the severe amounts of men smoking cigarettes, coughing as she regains balance on the slippery steps and gets back into her car. Pulling out a raggedy map from the cabinet, she opens it up and looks down at where she’s meant to be driving.
“I don’t even know how to work maps.”
She scans her finger over certain circled locations, such as one labelled ‘ancient chapel’, even one in Mexico, sighing.
“I’ll just go north.”
Fantasia presses down onto the acceleration pedal, switching on the radio and Euthanasias rap begins to play as the car storms off into the distance, disappearing from view.
[END]
Yet again, I apologise for the quality of the episode. Episode one will make up for it, and just a thank you to each queen in this part and the upcoming one for doing so well and actually making this worth reading.