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As the title says I’m turning 20 years old. I have learned a lot being a teenager, it’s the prime of our lives, it’s where we finish secondary school, get our first part-time job, choose a university, or leave school and get a full-time job. Personally, I have learnt a lot, most of it is from my own experiences but I wish someone else had told me earlier on before I found out for myself. I wouldn’t say I’m leaving this sub forever; I’ll give myself the “old” tag and give advice where I think I could be of help. I would still like to write the bulk of what I’ve learned here to help you. 1. I see a lot of posts about mental health and suicide and you need to know it’s okay not to be okay. Help is out there I love helping people I enjoy it, so please message me if you need help. I to have felt depressed at times, one major thing about me is that I care too much about what people think about me, if someone has a problem I want to know why. If you’re like this too learn to let things roll of your back and ignore them. 2. Stop worrying about relationships at 13 to 16 years old, at the time of writing this I haven’t had a girlfriend yet nor anything even close, nothing lasted more than a night 2 days at the most. We will all find someone at some point. I have thought about losing my virginity to a prostitute, it might fun, and I shouldn’t regret it, but I probably would. 3. Do well in school, one of my biggest regrets is being too busy trying to be the funny popular guy trying to be everyone’s friend, I failed at both having a huge circle of friends and failed school as well. 4. Your school grades don’t define who you are. There are plenty of options for you to take and still do what you want to do but doing as well as you can in school will make doing what you want easier. 5. Get a part time job once you are old enough. Even if it a volunteer job it will give you much needed work experience that will help you eventually get a paid job. Also looks good on a university application. Try and avoid customer service for your first! 6. Save up your money. I understand once you start working you might be tempted to spend your money on new games or PC upgrades I know I was, and that’s ok, it’s nice to treat ourselves every so often, however even putting just £50 aside each month into a savings account will help massively for when you wish to buy a car, pay for university or pay for when you decide to go on holiday with friends after you finish school and help you get a property for when you wish to move out. 7. If you know what to do you could invest your money in stocks, I wish I’d known to do that sooner, if you can invest £100 each month into shares over a few months or years your portfolio will grow and hopefully if you bought the right shares could make some sweet profit. 8. Carrying on from number 3. Use this time while you’re still at home to travel, I live in the UK so after we did A levels (I did engineering Btec) after saving up for about 2 years my friends and I were able to go interrailing (backpacking as the Americans call it!) through Europe for 4 weeks. But only do this with friends that you know you can have fun with. The people I went with didn’t enjoy going out to clubs and getting drunk as much as I do, so I wish I had gone with people I could do that with. 9. if it, it’s too good to be true it usually is 10. your Parents don’t always know best, if you want to follow a career path and your parents don’t agree do it, you will regret it. Thankfully I have parents that support me in whatever I do, but I know people that do. 11. Don’t hang around people who aren’t your friends. Fake people are the worst people, people like this will uses you, manipulate you and lie to you. 12. It is ok to have no friends, there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Eventually you will find a small social crowds with whom you will do everything with. 13. As Chris Gardner once said Plan B and C are rubbish, stick to your plan A and you will succeed. 14. People don’t always change; some do I am completely different now than 2 years ago. But some people I was at school with are the same, they are the same dickhead who likes to be funny by putting others down, people like that are stuck in their own little world to scared to realize that they have been left behind due to still being immature. 15. As I said in 11 and 4 if you don’t have fun you will regret it, I promise you, one of the friends I went with told me he regrets not smoking weed in Amsterdam or getting drunk on £1 beers in Budapest and wants to go again to have the experience he didn’t. Life is fun enjoy it while you can. 16. You will probably have that night where you go to a party or a night out in town where you’ll drink too much and get beyond the point of wasted, at the time you’ll feel like shit and regret it but after time for me it was a year it becomes something you and your friends laugh at especially when they tell you all the things you can’t remember. 17. “In game theory, it serves you to be two-faced. Be everyone's friend 'til the moment you're not. Make them love you so much that when they're up against you, their own loyalty will act against their own self-interests”. That's game theory. This was taken from one of my favourite TV series prison break. And I think it perfectly describes social interaction between teenagers and young adults. People will use you and you will use people even when that wasn’t your intention. I’ve been used by people id call my closest friends some did it intentionally some not. 18. Find a hobby there is no such thing as an odd or weird hobby, it allows you to find a common interest with people allowing you to make new friends and meet people, when I turned 18 my hobby was cigars, I’d go to various cigar lounges around London and meet people obviously they were older but the best thing about a cigar is the great conversation that comes with it. That’s just my opinion. 19. You will most likely regret the things you didn’t do not the things you did. Don’t dwell on the past and your previous mistakes focus on the present and the future. If there is someone you fancy, ask them out what’s the worst that will happen? They might say yes worst case they say no. but at least you tried. 20. At a nightclub or festival where your surrounded by people you don’t know, never except a drink from anyone if it wasn’t poured out Infront of you. First time I went clubbing I excepted a drink of champagne from someone I didn’t know in one of London’s busiest clubs I was lucky that it was fine. 21. Never shake someone’s hand sitting down and always grip firmly and make eye contact. 22. In a negation never make the first offer. 23. Take the time to talk to a homeless person, they sometimes have the most interesting stories and lessons to teach. Everyone falls on hard times, someone I spoke to was a veteran and ended up losing his home. 24. Friends come and go 25. Never stop in the pursuit of happiness 26. Loneliness isn’t forever. The most popular person may also feel alone. 27. It might not be a good life, but it’s your life so live it. 28. You can never please everyone, live for yourself and not others I know this is a long post but below I’ve left a summary of all the things I’ve done and experienced being a teenager (2012 – 2021) 11-12: Started secondary school where I made new friends and experienced a whole new environment including no more packed lunches. 12-13: Another year of secondary school, made it into the higher level classes for science and IT, at this point I started to experience bullying for the first time from the same person I was friends with the year before, I also entered my schools coding competition where we competed against the neighbouring school in who could create the best game on scratch. During this year I re-kindled a past friendship with someone from primary school whom I drifted apart from. We remain close to this day. (He won the coding competition with a moon landing game). Joined my school’s car mechanics club too. 13-14 3rd year of school, the bullying started getting worse. Applied for the bronze Duke of Edinburgh award ( for the non-brits here it’s an award scheme where the participant has to take part in volunteering, something physical a skill and finally a hiking expedition) no you don’t get to meet prince philip until you complete the gold award too. Picked my GCSE options. Had my first real crush (this was a fiasco in itself) as well as had my first kiss with someone else (another awful experience). 14-15 Aight cool year 10, time to start my GCSE studies and think about the future. The bullying reached its peak I lost it tried to fight him failed sort of, I got a few punched in before teachers came and pulled us apart, spent the rest of that day and the whole next day internal exclusion room, him too. (was oddly fun ngl), might I add that even the headteacher was aware of the bullying and didn’t care neither did the pastoral manager who when I told her about the first time told me to go away and grow up. Completed my Silver Duke of Edinburgh award. I never completed the last level (gold). 15-16 Woo last year of high school time to sit the exams that so many people think will ruin their lives if they fail. Yes the best you do will allow you to go on and do better things like a good university or doing the A levels you want, but it won’t stop you getting the career you want, you will just need to take a different path to get there like I did. Towards the summer I was getting ready to go on Israel tour my first time away from home for more than a week and to a new country without my family. For those of you that don’t know what Israel tour is, it is when you go to the state of Israel for 3 weeks maybe more depending on the tour organiser and see various sites such as the western wall, dead sea, Masada, ride camels in the desert, live on an army base for a few days as part of a small boot camp type thing (my favourite part) and much, much more. On this though I sadly realised that some people can’t be trusted and will stab you in the back, my “friend” liked the same person I did and instead of saying something to me he just spoke shit about me to her. 16-17 Secondary school, been there done that got the fucking t shirt. After not doing as well as I expected to in my GCSE exams, I had to change my plan slightly. I wanted to go into forensic science to do this I wanted to study level 3 Btec in applied science, but because I had failed 2 of my exams (the important ones) I had to do a level 2 course instead (same subject but lower level) during this year being in a new environment from the last I bought and smoked weed for the first time as well as getting my first hangover. During this year I was able to re sit my exams I passed 1 but still failed the other. I realised that the subject I was doing was no longer my passion. I got my first part time job as a receptionist so I could build my first gaming PC. My other close mate: after helping him meet his first girlfriend which by this point was at the 8- or 9-months mark, the 2 of them wanted to help me find someone. After fancying the same girl for the last 3 years at this point they introduced me to someone else, we were all away on a summer camp together so after being introduced we got talking for the next 4 whole days became really close only for on the last night before the big party for her friend to talk shit about me to her (seems to be a pattern here). A week later I had my second snog (kiss, make out, get with) with someone else (whatever u want to call it), this one was decent this happened to me on the NCS award (national citizen service) it’s like the Duke of Edinburgh award. 17-18 As I said before science was no longer what I wanted to do, so I changed to engineering at a new college (community college for the Americans). As I still didn’t have a C grade or above in my remaining GCSE exam, I had to do another level 2 course to pass. I got a new job as a waitekitchen assistant. started talking to another girl who in many ways she was a female version of me, we agreed on everything and got on well had so much in common it was unreal. My mate sadly broke up with his girlfriend so he was on the market too looking for someone else, I suggested to him that for his 18th he should throw a massive party, he agreed. I saw it as the perfect opportunity to make a move on the girl I was talking too; so, I invited her as my plus one. I got to his house early to help setup the house, she arrived about an hour later. I made a poor miss judgment that night and drunk about half a bottle of Russian standard vodka (no mixers). Being my drunk self I stumbled over to her and we began talking, then guess who comes over to us the same girl who cock blocked me previously and she does the god damn same, I have to admit me being as drunk as I was at That point definitely didn’t help. As you could I lost my shit at the person who yet again ruined something for me I went off on one in front of the whole goddamn party by this point the full force of my drinking hit me, I was unrollable cursing at the bitch who for the second time ruined something I had with someone. By this point the girl I invited left early, and my parents were called to pick me up. FYI the party stared at 8 I was home by 9 30 passed out. The girl I invited never spoke to me again I tried to apologise she didn’t really want much to do with me (understandable). My 18th I went clubbing for the first time and experienced a casino for the first time (played blackjack with £25 walked out with £120(I don’t encourage gambling, only play with what you can afford to lose)). The night club itself was something I didn’t enjoy all too much, main reason being there was only a few of us and the club was full of much older crowd than us, drinks where a fortune too, it was fun I enjoyed being out in the capital with my close mates at that time. It’s all about finding clubs that offer student nights where the crowd will be younger. Summertime, before the majority from my year head to university they all host a second school prom a reunion. This night again I learnt that people can and will be 2 faced if it serves them better. A girl who my mate had been helping me get talking to decided that the night before prom at a separate party he would make out with her himself (I was fine with that; I wasn’t at that party). I got invited to pre-drinks at this girls house the minute I walked in something felt off, it wasn’t until later I knew why; I found out my mate had made out with her the night before, unexpectedly he apologised to me (he didn’t need to, however I told him it was fine and move on) I was still hoping to get with her. 20 minutes later Infront of me the same mate of mine and the same girl were making out again (now I was pissed, first you apologise and then 20 minutes later do it Infront of me and everyone making me look like a mug). And again he apologises I played the bigger man held myself back from sparking him in the face and said that once is a mistake, 2 times is a slap in the face) this mate of mine was coming traveling with me 3 days later we didn’t speak until then. I went interrailing (traveling) through Europe with 4 mates that summer. 18-19 What was supposed to be my first year at university turned out to be another year at community college. This was also the start of where things got bad for me, by this point all my friends have had some sexual experience except me. My social crowd at this point is dwindling slowly at the time I didn’t notice I was just being left out more, (looking back, with some of my friends I was a background friend). I was finally on level 3 Btec engineering and have finally passed my last exam that I needed (took 4 attempts but if at first you don’t succeed try, try again). 19-20 (Present) Ok things are bad, I’ve realised that only 2 of my close mates are my only friends ( I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known, don’t know where it goes but its home to me, I walk alone). I knew for a while since the previous summer that most of the people I trust and call my friends don’t care about me. I only ever spoke to them If I was lucky enough to be invited out on the rare occasion (I would usually have to be the one to make the effort). I wanted to rid of the people who don’t care about me, I never thought for a second 2 of my other close mates (separate from the ones I mentioned in 19-20, they will always be my close mates) would be the ones to go first. One of these mates was someone who I had so many memorise with, we went clubbing together, wingmen for each other, I allowed him to get off with someone at my house while I was asleep in the same room (didn’t know until the morning); and now since the start of the coronavirus pandemic we haven’t spoken or seen one another and is telling people it’s my fault. (he and many others know that if I have done something to upset someone I will always be happy to fix it, I hate beefing with people) I realised he didn’t care for me no more, the memories we had together meant so much to me and nothing to him, he’s part of a new social crowd most of them I know and have also tried to get close with but I was never able to. I know I did something wrong to make all these people pull away from me I just don’t know what, I run so many possible reasons through my head but none make sense or seem big enough to make to a huge social crowd no longer want me around (popularity baffles me, it’s one thing I’ve never been nor able to understand). Now in my FINAL year of college and looking at either looking at going to university to study either Aerospace or Electronics engineering, getting an apprenticeship or I may join the army or the royal air force. I kind of wish I studied law. All I really want for my self is a job I’m proud of, something that when someone asks what I do for a living I can tell them and not be embarrassed or ashamed and not have to lie or exaggerate about it. However, before coronavirus hit the UK badly, I started a new part time job in retail pays very well for what it is, and I get nice bonuses I still managed to keep it through the lockdown. Been predicted high grades for my course more than enough for my university choices and the apprenticeships schemes I want. As I said at the beginning, this isn’t goodbye. I’ll still be here offering advice where I see fit giving my wisdom to those who need it. Also, if any of you need to talk or any advice drop me a message on here and I’ll try my best to help. “life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all”
-u/randomhuman_23
Edit: i hope this doesn't get lost in new

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https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4107658-Worst-story-of-cheating-but-have-I-over-stepped
Loooong OP:
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This is a very long story, I will start with the back story as condensed as possible.
I became pregnant after 1 year whirlwind relationship with someone I split up my previous relationship for. I was living Amsterdam at the time where he is from, but moved back to the UK 6 months in. When I found out I was pregnant, I stayed in the UK, and he was saving money to move with me and we were due to live there. He arrived when I was 6.5 months, everything was great and we were happy. It turned out though that the 3000 euro he had supposed to have saved for us and baby, he gambled away on online poker so he came empty handed. I funded everything.
Slowly, he started to become recluse, and disappeared after work instead of coming home so that he could find places to play poker, in casinos or online. When I discovered this, I tried to urge him into GA, he went a few times, but eventually he was suicidal and depressed so I recommended he return back to the Netherlands. Our daughter was 1 by this time.
He went back, and after 3 months decided that he wouldn't return back to the UK, he hated it and missed his friends and family. Therefore the plan was to move there with our daughter. We did this, but it took me a year, long story.
He promised he had stopped gambling and was in a good place. Within weeks of arriving he went straight back into gambling, and also speaking to other women. During this time he was emotionally abusive and even struck me 3 times. I had an abortion because of how badly he treated me. The final straw was the fact that he slept with someone one random night, so I broke it off. I was determined to stay in Amsterdam but eventually would find somewhere else and move out into my own place with my daughter, then suddenly he found a new girl, one week after I broke up with him on tinder. He told me he was in love with her instantly and that he wanted me and our daughter to leave the house for a week, so that she could move in and work from our place for a few days. This was within 3 days of meeting this girl on tinder. I refused to allow this, and he verbally abuse me to the point where I had to flee the country with our child. He knew we were leaving but he didn't care.
Within 6 weeks, he had broken up with the tinder girl and was begging from to come back, saying that he was depressed and didn't know who he was back then and wanted to give us another go. Of course I objected. For a whole year he tried everything, gave up gambling, became selfless instead of selfish and really showed me he was ready. So I told him I would consider returning mostly for our child.
By May 2020 we were locked down together in Amsterdam and I was working from home there and became pregnant. We were happy about it and he thought it was just what we needed to finally cement the return of our relationship. I was reluctant to put a label on us though and said I needed time, because I was traumatised from what happened between us before. Especially the physical abuse. But he really seemed like a changed man, and in fact, he had a terribly childhood, so we put it down to that, and he said he would get therapy to address his issues.
In August we went on vacation everything was wonderful, and by September, something changed.
I went back to London for a couple weeks and I sensed something was off. I asked him outrightly, if he was seeing someone else while I was in London still. He told me no. I arrived in Amsterdam a week later, and checked his phone while he slept. It was almost completely clean, except he left a tiny piece of evidence, along with blonde hair all over the house and I managed to get a confession out of him after pressing him for a few days. He had met the girl 3 weeks earlier and was sleeping with her. He told me he did it because I wouldn't go publicly official to our friends and family with him. He felt neglected and stressed after a year of trying to get me back.
I made up my mind there and then that I would get my revenge for him doing this too me again. In addition, he slept with her without protection and slept with me too, before the confession thus putting my health at risk which I couldn't forgive.
This is where it gets twisted.
I told him id forgive him and stay, for the sake of our kids and that I loved him. This was a lie, I was just plotting how to get him back. Things went great the following weeks, I was acting the part of loving and forgiving girlfriend very easily. At some point I caught him on WhatsApp with the girl ( he had told me they had cut contact). She was pursing him, crying etc.. saying she was in love with him and heartbroken that he had too end it with her. I took a huge step evading his privacy after this and I managed to install his WhatsApp on my laptop, so I was practically spying on every convo he was having. Eventually I told him he should meet up with her one final time and end it because i had to travel back to the Uk and I didn't want him to see her while I was gone.. or more like, I wanted to test if he would, knowing I would be able to see their convos.
When they met up he came back and asked me if I would consider a 3 way relationship with the two of them. Me being the primary. I told him I would consider it when returned from London. Of course I had no intention to do so, but just wanted to see this girl face to face, (sick I know) so we all met up, discussed things, and well it was painful, but at the end, I told them they were not to see one another while I was away and I would consider the 3way after I had the baby.
While I was there, I was still connected to his WhatsApp as I mentioned and saw they had met 3 times. Which he lied about to my face.
Upon returning though, he ended it with her and said he wanted to focus on his family. Due to the fact that he met up with her while I was away, again displaying how little he respected me, I was driven even further by seeking revenge, so much that I didn't let on that I knew anything. So all these months of knowing what he has been up to, he is none the wiser.
The current situation is that he wants for sure that I move here permanently to Amsterdam once baby is born (in London) with our other child and we buy a new house, and start a fresh... however, of course, there is no way in hell I can do this after all this deceit. I cannot believe how badly I have allowed myself to be treated.
So, because I told him I had forgiven him, I was finding it impossible to go back on my word without admitting that I was spying the whole time. So I have been creatively (insanely) thinking of other ways out... of ways that will allow me to break up with him and him not having any power to force me to stay.
One night, after not checking his actual phone for a long time, I saw he had a dating app installed on his phone, but only once. after 6 consecutive days of checking, I didn't see it anymore. But I initially did check his phone because he was acting weird again all of a sudden. So, I decided to re install the app I saw while he slept, and then I saw he was speaking to multiple women for 6 months, but had not met any of them. This inspired me to make a fake profile, with photos of a friend of mine he doesn't know. He matched with my profile and is planning to meet up with this girl on Friday ( I am going back to the UK tomorrow for Christmas)...
Now, if you have gotten this far you may think this is the craziest story ever (and I have missed some crazy bits out)...and may be thinking I am insane for staying and more insane for spying...however, when you're with someone who won't let you go, it is so so so very hard to get out. Especially as his family are all so adamant that I give him chance after chance, and he guilt trips me constantly with his issues and tells me I am the only person who can make him happy. I know I have over stepped by spying on him this intensely, but, I became desperate. It has been a horrible few months being pregnant and dealing with all these revelations that I have made myself privy to by having so much access to his privacy.
I expect to be scolded and told how wrong I am and that I have overstepped, but, for the first time in months I finally feel like I can throw this at him (planning to meet the girl on the app) and he will accept that I can no longer stay with him after this and give in. I don't know how I will expose the fact that I know he has planned to meet a girl, but at this point, I just need to get out.

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Day 4

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I turn 20 IN 3 hours, but I want to leave some parting advice of things I’ve learnt through my teenage years.